Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Iain Glen, Mike Epps, Oded Fehr, Spencer Locke, and Christopher Egan
Director: Russell Mulcahy
Steve's Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Five years after an accident in a top secret lab unleashed a virus that turns dead bodies into flesh-hungry, violent zombies, the world is overrun with undead. Pockets of survivors still exist, and Claire Redfield (Larder) leads a convey from place to plance, attempting to gather them and form strength in numbers. She eventually crosses paths with Alice (Jovovich), who is on the run from the creators of the virus. They consider her their property, and they want to back. Will Alice be the salvation of Claire and her mobile community, or will she bring doom to them all?

After getting over the dissapointment of the fact that "Resident Evil: Extinction" does NOT follow up on what seemed to be an obvious and very cool sequel set-up at the end of "Resident Evil: Apocalypse"--except with an brief exchange between Carlos (Fehr, the only returning castmember from the other film aside from Jovovich) and Alice--I came to appreciate this supposedly final film in the series for its "The Road Warrior Meets George Romero's Day of the Dead" vibe.

I can't praise the film for its script... it unfolds as though it was based on someone's "All Flesh Must Be Eaten" or "Dark Conspiracy" roleplaying campaign, as the fillm moves from horror-flavored, action-oriented horror encounter area to horror-flavored action-oriented encounter area. While the main story-thrust of the film is resolved and the main villain within reach gets his by the end of the film--and please say that's a spoiler... you KNOW that even before he shows up in the movie that the mad scientist is going to bite the dust during the final reel!--the film leaves so many dangling plot-threads that it feels more like the middle of a film series instead of the end. Just like a supposedly "climactic" session of a well-run (and continuing) roleplaying game session.

I also can't really praise the acting in this film, because I don't think there was any. (I know that's not true... the apparently lack of acting is acting in and of itself, as anyone who's seen more than two or three low-budget indie horror movies will confirm). But, the film is so devoid of anything but action that there's no need for the actors to do anything but run around and shoot off blanks and beat on extras in zombie make-up. Jovovich does a little acting when she first wakes up at what seems to be the beginning of first "Resident Evil" movie, and then later when she comes upon the cornerstone of Umbrella Corporation's latest project, but she isn't exactly required to stretch herself.

I am, however, impressed with movie's breakneck pace and how it kept me entertained... and even how it shocked and startled me with violent zombie attacks. The zombie crow sequence was also expertly staged and executed, and it was one of the scariest sequences I've seen in recent cinema. Yes, it was remincent of both "The Birds" and "Night of the Living Dead"... but I wouldn't have thought that borrowing from two such different classics could result in something so nifty.

There isn't a scrap of padding in the film. It promises to deliver zombies and lots of gory violence, and it delivers on that in spades. While part of me would have liked a slightly more structured plot, the overall film still worked for me. I also didn't mind the fact that the end of the film really isn't all that much of an ending--instead, it opens up branches to two possible sequels. Maybe that's because I've been running running roleplaying game campaigns for some 30 years now, and that's exactly how I like to "end" my campaigns. I want to always keep openings so the fun can continue, if the players are willing.

"Resident Evil: Extinction" is not a masterpiece. In fact, it's probably downright forgettable, and I am certain that in a week, my memories of it will be as vague as those I have of the first two, but while in the theater, I enjoyed myself immensely.

'The Villain' is live-action to Looney Toons

The Villain (aka "Cactus Jack") (1979)
Starring: Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margaret, and Arnold Schwarzenegger
Director: Hal Needham
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

The Handsome Stranger (Schwarzenegger) volunteers to escort the lovely Miss Charming safely to her father... but the villainous Cactus Jack (Douglas) has dark intentions for both!


"The Villain" is a hilarious physical comedy that plays like a live-action version of the classic Warner Bros. cartoons featuring Bugs Bunny vs. Elmer Fudd or the Road Runner vs. Wiley E. Coyote. It even borrows several jokes from those cartoons... and they're even funnier when live people are put through their paces by them.

I'm sure some hysterical parent will be up-in-arms over the violence in this film, and I suspect there's some retarded kid who will watch it, draw a tunnel on the wall, and run headlong into it and crack his head when it doesn't become real. The rest of us, however, be we normal adults or kids who are congenital idiots, will certainly laugh ourselves silly while watching this highly underrated, very unusual comedy.

Is that a special kind of sheep dog?

Film star denies lamb tale

A Japanese film star has denied reports she was conned into buying a lamb disguised as a poodle.


Maiko Kawakami has dismissed stories she was the victim of a scam by tricksters importing lambs from Australia and Britain to sell as poodles to rich Japanese women.

It was widely reported that the scam came to light after Kawakami complained on a television talk show that her new poodle refused to bark or eat dog food.

"Ms Kawakami is very surprised by how much this has spread overseas. She was just recounting on television how she had heard of such a story while she was at a nail salon," a spokeswoman for her talent agency said.

"Ms Kawakami does not even own a poodle."

Police in Sapporo, where the fraudulent company was reportedly based, also denied the tale.

"We have had inquiries from so many media - CNN, CBS among others - and all I can say is that that article is completely made up," a spokesman said.

(From ananova.com)

Yes, Ms. Kawakami. We understand you don't own a poodle.

But do you own a lamb?



(BTW, the "media morons" referred to in the tag for this article are not Maiko Kawakami or her spokespeople, but rather the anonymous reporter who wrote this article,and all the other journalists who apparently didn't notice that even the original writer didn't fully believe the shaggy sheep tale he was relating, because even he states that "this has a whiff of the 'urban myth' about it."

A Tale of Two Careys

From the Department of Attention Whores...


Mariah Carey and Mary Carey enter legal cat-fight over name

Mariah Carey is threatening legal action against Mary Carey, because the adult entertainer is planning to trademark her similar-sounding stage name.

The singer is worried fans might confuse the two performers if Mary Carey's application to trademark her name for audio and video recordings is successful. However, the porn star - real name Mary Cook - insists she's not intimidated by the Grammy Award winner, saying, "It's kind of funny because I'm a porn star and I've been being myself for a long time. I think she's being silly."

Cook's lawyer David Beitchman insists the singer stands little chance of winning a court battle over the names. He says, "My first thought was, does Mariah Carey realize what her lawyer is comparing her to and are they seriously concerned? Do they seriously think the fans are going to be confused?"


It's been a while since I've been aware of Mariah Carey doing anything noteworthy--other than a movie that was utterly, totally awful. Is this her way of getting back in the public eye? And if it is, why is she helping someone whose biggest claim to mainstream recognitiion has so far been a rather amusing run for the California governership to a share of that spotlight? (I would have voted for her if I could. At least there would be someone who's honest about being sleazy in American politics for once.)

But, since fading pop-star Mariah Carey is insisting on sharing the stage with rising porn-star Mary Carey, I figured I'd lend a hand. Readers, please meet Mary Carey:

Height: 5' 9" (1.75 m)
Measurements: 36DD-24-36

Biography for Mary Carey (aka Mary Ellen Cook)

Cleveland native Mary Carey was born into what could be charitably called a dysfunctional family. Both of her parents were mentally handicapped (her mother had been diagnosed as a schizophrenic) and she was taken away from her parents by her grandparents when she was three months old. After her parents divorced, her mother moved in with Mary and her grandparents. At seven years of age the family moved from Cleveland to Florida, and the next year Mary was legally adopted by her grandparents.

Mary continued in Florida with the dance lessons she had started taking in Cleveland, and was a straight-A student in school. Her stage debut occurred at 12 years of age when she performed "The Nutcracker" with the Miami City Ballet, and she was bitten hard by the performing bug. Her dancing skills were honed by attendance at a prestigious dance school, and she was being offered dance scholarships from many different institutions. Then, at age 16, her grandfather developed lung cancer and died within a few months. Her grandmother's Parkinson's Disease worsened, and on top of that her body began to develop and she no longer had the thin, flat-chested body considered desirable for a ballerina. She was told to lose weight and get a breast reduction, but instead decided to leave ballet altogether and tried out for and won a place on the dance team at Florida State University, where she was enrolled. In the meantime her grandmother's health deteriorated even further, and soon their financial situation became precarious. In order to keep their head above water, Mary looked around for a job that could pay the kind of money they needed, and found a job as a model on an adult Internet site. From there she landed a job as a stripper. She saw that the strippers who commanded the big money were the featured girls, and an agent told her that the best way to become a featured stripper was to get a following doing porn. She traveled to Los Angeles and made the rounds of the adult-film producers and studios, eventually landing a job with Playboy TV.

Just prior to the recall campaign against California Governor Gray Davis, Mary signed a contract with Kick Ass Pictures, and as a publicity gag they came up with the idea that Mary should enter the field of a dozen or so candidates trying to replace Davis, so she soon publicly declared her intention to run for governor. The stunt worked out far better than they had hoped for, as Mary's bubbly personality and sense of humor about herself, her profession and the campaign itself - not to mention her beauty and spectacular body - endeared her to the California public. Although some political pundits wrote her off as a joke, her "campaign" received extensive coverage in the statewide media and she drew enthusiastic crowds at her appearances. Although she didn't win the election, she did manage to garner more than 11,000 votes. After the election Mary continued to turn out videos, which continue to sell well, and she is, besides Jenna Jameson, one of the porn stars most recognized by the general public.

On June 14, 2005, she attended the President's Dinner in Washington, DC, an annual fundraiser put on by the National Republican Congressional Committee and the National Republican Senatorial Committee. Mary and her boss, Mark Kulkis of porn production company Kick Ass Pictures, also attended a lunch prior to the event.

I am amused by the fact that a porn star's first major entertainment gig was a part in "The Nutcracker." (Oh, and at the risk of annoying a particular lady out there... is there something about dancers and the "adult entertainment industry"? The only dance major I'm still in touch with from college went on to become an exotic dancer and is currently managing the establishment she danced at for nearly a decade.)

And here is the other lovely lady of the moment... Mariah Carey.

Height: 5' 7" (1.70 m)
Measurements: 34BC-22-35 (before implants in 1998)

Biography for Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey was born in Long Island, New York on March 27, 1969. Her parents are Patricia Hickey (Irish-American) and Alfred Roy Carey (African-American/Venezuelan). Her mother is a former mezzo-soprano New York City opera singer and a freelance vocal coach. Patricia was also Mariah's vocal coach. Her father was an aeronautical engineer.

Mariah's mother Patricia discovered Mariah's talent in 1972 while rehearsing at home for her New York City Opera debut as Maddalena in Verdi's Rigoletto.

Patricia said, "From the time Mariah was a tiny girl. she sang on true pitch; she was able to hear sound and duplicate it exactly. I missed my cue, but Mariah didn't. She sang it - in Italian - at exactly the right point. She wasn't even yet 3." From then on, Patricia began coaching Mariah.

Mariah is noted for her spectacular vocal range that spans five octaves. Her highest octave is two octaves higher than normal soprano. She also impresses with the way she sings in long, intricate phrases in the Whistle register range (as heard on such songs as "Emotions", "Anytime you Need a Friend", "Dreamlover", "Bliss" and "O Holy Night".)

Mariah attended Greenlawn's Harborfields High School where she was referred to as "Mirage Carey" because she hardly ever showed up for class. She also studied over 500 hours of beauty school and hair salon prior to becoming a singer.

Early on, she worked a variety of odd jobs to support herself, including hat/coat-checker, hostess, hair sweeper in hair salons, and waitress. She stated that she got fired from all her jobs because of her attitude and was concentrating of becoming a backing singer and mixing demos.

In June of 1990 Mariah made her debut with "Mariah Carey" which entered at #73, but on August 4 1990 it reached #1. Her 1990 self-titled debut album went multi-platinum and spawned an extraordinary four consecutive #1 singles: "Vision of Love," "Love Takes Time," "Someday" and "I Don't Wanna Cry," and led to Grammy Awards for Best New Artist and Best Female Vocalist.

Carey's 1993 album titled Music Box went ten-times platinum. On September 30th 1995, she made music history. Her single "Fantasy" from her 1995 Daydream album debuted at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, making her the first female artist to accomplish a number one debut in the U.S. Her other Daydream's single "One Sweet Day" remained for 16 weeks at the top of the charts. She is the only artist since the Beatles and Elvis Presley to have so many #1 singles and albums.

With "Heartbreaker", the first single from her 1999 album Rainbow and also her 14 #1 single, she became the only artist to top the charts in each year of the 1990s, and with "Heartbreaker" at its 60th week atop the Billboard's charts, she pushed ahead of the Beatles's 59-week record as the only artist with the most cumulative weeks spent atop Billboard's Hot 100 Singles chart.

Following "Heartbreaker", her second single "Thank God I Found You" also from her Rainbow album became her 15th #1.

In 2001, Mariah signed an $80 million deal with Virgin Records for four albums, but bought out the following year for $28 million. The primary reason being the failure of her Glitter album and film. She then signed a three-album deal with Island/Def-Jam Records. Around this time, she suffered a physical and emotional breakdown, and spent seveal weeks recovering in a Connecticut mental hospital

"We Belong Together" from her 2005 album The Emancipation of Mimi became her 16th #1 single and was also her first #1 without any guest artists since her song "My All" (also a #1 single) captured the top spot in May 1998.

The single "Don't Forget About Us" also from her 2005 album Emancipation of Mimi became her 17th #1 single, tying her with Elvis Presley's 17 #1 singles. Three more Grammy Awards were gained from The Emancipation of Mimi album.

Mariah Carey has also been recognized for her charity work with and for children. In 1999, she won the Horizon Award at the Congressional Foundation Awards. She continues to be involved with Camp Mariah, a serene escape located in Fishkill, New York for inner-city youth to embrace the arts, introduce career opportunities, and build self-esteem.

In other Mariah Trivia, she was #28 on FHM magazine's "100 Sexiest Women in the World in 2006" supplement. Maybe that's why she's worried about being confused with a porn star? Maybe there's a "Playboy" or "Hustler" layout Coming Soon to a Newsstand Near You? The breast implants may have been part of a long-term goal of making it in the porn biz?

(Biographies taken from Internet Movie Database, with some rewriting and expansion done on the one for Mariah Carey. They are used without permission, so maybe I'll be hearing from everyone's attorneys?)

Not all Bin Ladens are hairy, child-raping lunatics

Happy New Year to all Osama bin Laden fans!

Osama bin Laden's niece bares much in GQ spread for Jan. 2006 issue
'My values are like yours,’ she says, distancing herself from al-Qaida leader

NEW YORK - Osama bin Laden’s niece, in an interview with GQ magazine in which she appears scantily clad, says she has nothing in common with the al-Qaida leader and simply wants acceptance by Americans.

“Everyone relates me to that man, and I have nothing to do with him,” Wafah Dufour, the daughter of bin Laden’s half brother, Yeslam Binladin, says in the January edition of the magazine, referring to the al-Qaida leader.

“I want to be accepted here, but I feel that everybody’s judging me and rejecting me,” said the California-born Dufour, a musician and law school graduate who lives in New York. “Come on, where’s the American spirit? Accept me. I want to be embraced, because my values are like yours. And I’m here. I’m not hiding.”

Dufour, who adopted her mother’s maiden name after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks that have been blamed on bin Laden, appears in several provocative photos in the magazine.

The pictures are likely to be considered obscene by conservative Muslims in and outside of Saudi Arabia where women are required to be veiled.
Asked if she would like to perform her music in the Middle East, Dufour says her mother, Carmen Dufour, would be too afraid that “someone would want to kill me.”

“Listen, I would love to raise consciousness. Maybe women could hear the songs and realize that I’m doing my dream and hopefully they can, too,” she said.

Yeslam and Osama are among 54 children of the late Saudi construction magnate Mohammed bin Laden and his 22 wives. The extended family includes several hundred people.

Binladin, who received Swiss citizenship in 2001, has condemned his half brother “for his acts and his convictions.” He intentionally spells his name differently from his half brother.

In the interview, Dufour says she would not date a fundamentalist Muslim and that she cried hysterically when she witnessed the attacks on New York while staying with her mother in Geneva.

Fabulous anime fantasy series

Mask of Zeguy (1997)
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars


"Mask of Zeguy" was originally made as a two-part animated series, although here it is contained on one disc. It features a solid storyline about Miki, a teenaged dscendent of a powerful priestess who is is drawn into the World of the Clouds, a magical realm where she becomes embroiled in a battle to save both it and Earth.

This is a low-priced DVD, with good animations quality, interesting ideas, and plenty of action and twists and turns within a story that should appeal to both girls and boys.

One of the things that I found most appealing was the design of the World in the Clouds... it was a fascinating "what if Leonardo DaVinchi's more offbeat creations actually worked"/magic steam-punk kind of place.

The only caveat to "Mask of Zeguy" is that its storyline assumes alot of knowledge of Japanese history and classic poetry. Some of the figures that Miki meets are well-known Japanese historical/mythical figures, and some of the villians' plans are likewise probably only fully understood with some grounding in Japanese culture. That said, I don't think I have much more knowledge of Japanese history and culture than most Americans, and I enjoyed "Mask of Zeguy," so I'm sure others will, too.

On a note that isn't related so much to the cartoon as it is to its marketing, "Mask of Zeguy" was originally released in the U.S. as simply "Zeguy" (back in 1997). That title makes alot more sense than that given to the current edition--"Zeguy" is a Japanese word that translates, roughly, into "Wow!" or "Amazing!" There is no character in the show named Zeguy, nor is there any "Mask of Wow" anywhere in the program. It looks to me like someone in the marketing department decided the title needed to be punched up, and that he was making his decisions based solely on promo art for the product.

'Explorer Woman Ray' is two-parter that starts strong, but fades fast

In this two-part direct-to-video animated series, a pair of twin sisters join up with adventuring archelologist Ray. In the process, they avenge dead parents and keep a powerful, ancient South American treasure from falling into the hands of those who would use it for evil.

The first half of this hour-long (the first episode) tape is pretty entertaining. It's got good animation, nice Indiana Jones-like adventuring, and a nice conflict between Ray and her overbearing, blondhaired arch-nemesis. The second half (the second episode), unfortunately, shows a sharp drop in animation quality. There's more action and drama than in the first half, but the bad animation weighs it down, and it manages to pull the whole package down from what could have been a Six Rating to a Four.

(From the Inappropriate Thought Department: I keep wanting to pronounce the name of the busty lead character in a fashion with the old racist jokes involving "flied lice." :) )

Slayers: The Motion Picture

"Slayers: The Motion Picture" is set some time before Lina hooks up with Gourry and the other characters from the three seasons of the "Slayers" television series. She is a little younger--but still feared as a short-tempered and powerful spellcaster-- and she is the reluctant partner of Naga, a lanky sorceress whose bust size is in direct inverse proportion to her IQ. The pair travel to a distant island where they become embroiled in a mystery surrounding the butchering of an elf village before recorded history.

This was a so-so effort that is something that is great for the kids and presented all the basics of the "Slayers" series in a fairly concise package. Still, I don't think the package was concise enough. One of the things I've liked about as much of the 'Slayers' series I've seen so far is that the episodes are all swiftly paced and tightly plotted. Gag follows upon gag upon fight scene... there's hardly ever a quiet moment. There were almost too many quiet moments in "The Motion Picture."

The movie also failed to capitilize on some of the cooler elements that were introduced; wouldn't a bit more time spent in the past have been more interesting than beating up local thugs on the pier? I for one would have liked to learned more about the elves and the kid who appeared to be an ancestor of Gourry.

Despite my complaints, I think this is a worthwhile animated film. Fans of fantasy, fans of quality animation (as one might expect from a theatrical release, the animation in "Slayers: The Motion Picture" is gorgeous), and fans of Japanese cartoons in general will find much to enjoy here. It might also serve as a fine way to introduce your friends to "The Slayers" franchise, even if I think the TV series is vastly superior to this film.

Nice boil-down of Fujishima's classic series

Ah! My Goddess: The Movie (2000)
Rating: Six of Ten Stars



In 'Ah! My Goddess: The Movie,' the world is threatened by a god who wishes to create a reality where no mortals have to suffer. He forces an unwitting Belldandy--a goddess who has been bound through love to Japanese college student Keiichi--to serve as the main vehicle of his plot.
The movie features all the characters from the long-running comic book and graphic novel series (published in America by Dark Horse Comics and translated as "Oh My Goddess!"), including recent additions to the cast such as Belldandy's rival, the goddess Peorth and the various angels tied to Belldandy, Urd, and Skuld. In many cases, the film assumes that the viewer knows who these characters are, which in my mind is its main flaw. While readers of the graphic novels and comic books can be somewhat up-to-date--as of this writing, "The Fourth Goddess" where Peorth first appears has been released, but the Whirlwind motor company that's referred in the film to will still be an unknown if one only reads them and not the monthly issues--and there are a host of characters that will remain mysterious to those who may be coming to this film from the other animated episodes alone. If the filmmakers had weeded down the cast a bit, there would have been time to provide brief introductions to everyone and the film would have been better for it.

The animation quality is very good, taking advantage of both traditional and computer animation to convey the strange power of the film's supernatural beings who live by the addage "sufficiently advanced technology is equal to magic"; in the "Ah! My Goddess" universe, reality is maintained by a super-computer running incredibly advanced programs, and all supernatural beings are, basically, "remote terminals." The animators have remained true to creator Kosuke Fujishima's character designs and mix of cartoony and hyper-realistic art, and the characters of the film seem very much grounded in a world not far removed from our own. The result is a very attractive-looking film that captures the look of Fujishima's comic art very nicely.

The English-language dubbing is better than average, but I think the casting could have been better. Belldandy is entirely too whiny and Urd isn't husky/assertive enough from how they should sound based on their portrayals in the comic.

Story-wise, the film also captures the feel of the comic quite nicely, with the real plot revolving around Belldandy and Keiichi's love once again surviving supernatural challenges and emerging reconfirmed and even stronger than before. (No, that's not really a spoiler; anyone who has even passing familiarity with "Oh My Goddess" and romantic films of this nature go in expecting a happy ending.) Unfortunately, the story fails to successfully revolve all of its subplots and themes by the time the film is over. The chief of these is the race that the NIT Motorclub is preparing for during the film. It's there to underscore the fact that Keiichi and Belldandy are the perfect couple, and it should have been returned to at the end. (Eliminating some of the characters who don't play any role in the story but who are just there because they're part of the graphic novels might have given the tme needed to properly wrap up the film's loose elements.)

The flaws of this film balance its good parts, hence the Three Stars (an average rating). I recommend it highly to fans of romantic comedies and the "Oh My Goddess!" series... but I do so warning you that it is far from a perfect work.

'Bright Angel' is a trip not worth taking

Bright Angel (1990)
Starring: Dermot Mulroney, Lily Taylor, Bill Pullman and Sam Shepard
Director: Michael Fields
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Set among the working-class and sub-criminal people who live in the desolate expanses of Montana and Oklahoma, "Bright Angel" is a kinda-sorta coming of age story where characters wander through the plot without any particular purpose and things just seem to happen without any particular reason.


That's great in real life--people do tend to wander aimlessly in and out of each other's lives and things do just sort of happen without any discernable pattern--but it makes for a bad movie. The only real drama of the film happens about 3/4ths of the way through it... and it's way too brief.

Lili Taylor and Bill Pullman give nice performances (which is why the flick gets Three Stars instead of Two), but there's not much else worthwhile here. Pass on this one unless you're the world's greatest Lili Taylor fan.