Props just for being titled 'Werewolf Bitch'

The Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (aka "Howling II: Stirba, Werewolf Bitch")(1986)
Starring: Annie McEnroe, Reb Brown, Christopher Lee, Marsha Hunt, Sybil Danning, Judd Omen and Ladislav Krecmer
Director: Philippe Mora
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Occultist Stefan Crosscoe (Lee) convinces Jenny (McEnroe) that her newscaster sister's mysterious death was caused by werewolves. Together with Jenny's fiance Ben (Brown), they travel to Transylvania to avenge her sister and take advantage of a once-in-a-millenia chance to destroy the immortal Stirba, Mother of Werewolves (Danning).


"The Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewof" (released in GB with the subtitle "Stirba, Werewolf Bitch", one of my all-time favorite movie titles) is not a good movie by any standard. The script is muddled to the point of near-incomprehensibility and the film is edited in such a way that scenes seem like they're out of place--Is the underground club at the start of the movie a werewolf hangout or not? Is the new wave/punk band performing there also performing at Stirba's Transylvanian werewolf sex party, or is reusing the performance some weird attempt at padding the run-time? Why does Jenny decide to take a bath in the middle of the day, especially when she knows Stefan may call her to head out to werewolf castle any time? Why do the number of werewolves seem to increase and descrease at random and/or according to the needs of the plot? Why do the heroes wait until nightfall to raid the castle?-- and the acting is barely passable by everyone involved, including that offered by the great Christopher Lee.

And then there's the werewolf make-up and transformation scenes. It's not the worst I've ever seen, but, although this was clearly a low-budget quickie, the budget stil was such that it could have allowed for something better than werewolf costuming that looks like it was created with a make-up kit bought off the shelf in a Halloween costume shop along with fake fur harvested from coats at the thrift shop. The take-away lesson here is that if you're going to make a werewolf movie, put the money into hiriing a decent make-up artist and make-up effects designer.

For all that's wrong with this movie, it's still got a touch of that "so bad it's good" charm to it. There are few movies you;ll see that will have you wondering "Did I just see what I think I saw? Did I just hear them say what I think they said?"

I hesitate to recommend this film--too many of you reading this know how to email me and some of you even know where I live--but it might be a worthwhile addition to a werewolf-themed Bad Movie Night, or perhaps something to have running in a screening room at a large Halloween party. (Just be aware, there is subject matter in the film that's not appropriate for the kiddies. The players of "Ricky Shore Sings the Blues" called attention to that fact when they featured a clip from "Howling II" in their Werewolves in Heat skit. And a great skit that was, too. I would have loved to have imbedded it here, but it seems to have vanished from the web. A shame really.)

'The She-Beast' should be avoided like other she-beasts, be they mother-in-laws or ex-wives

The She-Beast (aka "Satan's Sister" and "Revenge of the Blood Beast") (1966)
Starring: Ian Ogilvy, John Karlsen, and Barbara Steele
Director: Michael Reeves
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

Young newlyweds Phillip and Veronica (Ogilvy and Steele) are honeymooning in Transylvania (their first mistake) when they suffer a car accident. The injured Veronica is possessed by the spirit of a long-dead witch who uses Veronica's body as a vehicle for her revenge against the modern-day descendents of the peope who executed her. Will Phillip reclaim his beloved with the help of eccentric occultist Count Van Helsing (Karlsen) or will she remain the she-beast?


"The She-Beast" is bad on just about every level. It's attempts at comedy are not particularly funny, it's horror elements aren't terribly scary, the characters range from unlikable to annoying, and every technical aspects exudes cheapness. And what passes for a script is muddled and confused almost beyond comprehension.

Barbara Steele brightens every scene she is in with her exotic looks, but she's not in the film enough to make it worth your while to sit through it.





(Trivia: Barbara Steele was so contempteous of this film that even while working on it she tried to dissassociate herself from it by wearing a large hat and sunglasses in most scenes.)

'Transylmania' should have had a stake through its heart

Transylmania (2009)
Starring: Oren Skoog, Jennifer Lyons, Tony Denman, Patrick Cavanaugh, Paul H. Kim, Musetta Vander, Natalie Garza, Nicole Garza, David Steinberg, James DeBello and Irena A. Hoffman
Directors: David Hillenbrand and Scott Hillenbrand
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

A group of American college students travel to a remote Transylvanian university for a semester of studying and partying abroad. Will the partying or the vampires kill them first?


I need to learn the lesson that the smart choice is to go home if I arrive at the theater too late to see the movie I had planned on. But, as I was stood at the box office, I noticed "Transylmania" was about to start. And, seeing that I love old monster movies and this was part college stoner comedy and part spoof of the classic monster-in-the-creepy-castle films, I thought it might be fun. "How bad can it be?" I asked myself.

Well, it was pretty bad. The humor is more stupidly offensive than funny, the acting universally weak--especially when it comes to the comedic timing of the cast, which is surprising given the long resumes of everyone appearing in the film--and the story features numerous characters that do nothing except serve the purpose of a single joke and otherwise just clutter up the film and story.

It's too bad, becuase in the hands of competent writers who understood how to streamline a story (not to mention write funny jokes) and with some better actors, this could have been a really funny movie with roots in classic films from Universal and Full Moon. The vampire/college student look-alike and the midget mad scientist had all sorts of potential, potential that we can see shining through at the film's best moments, but which remains tragicaly unspent or even wasted.

I really wish this film had been better and that it had done well at the box office. I applaud the filmmakers for writing a spoof that actually has an original story instead of just a cobbled together string of lame references to recent movies and current news events and pop culture. Maybe (God willing!) this film is a sign that story will be returning to the spoof film... or maybe the failure of this film will mean the genre will go dormant for a while because the business people and creatives STILL won't get the message that quality is what sells a movie.