Wolf Man vs. Vampire Woman: The Rematch!

Night of the Werewolf (aka "The Craving" and "The Return of the Wolf Man") (1981)
Starring: Paul Naschy, Azucena Hernandez, Silvia Aguilar, Julia Saly
Director: Paul Naschy
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

An psychopathic witch (Aguilar) resurrects the evil vampire Countess Bathory (Saly) in a quest for ultimate power and eternal life. But she didn't count on the intervention of Waldemar Daninsky (Naschy), the tragically heroic reluctant werewolf and his sexy sidekick Karen (Hernandez).

By the time he wrote and directed "Night of the Werewolf", Spanish actor Paul Naschy had played the continuity-challenged werewolf character Waldemar Daninsky nine or ten times (depending on whether one counts a movie that may or may not ever have been released), and this film assured him his place in history as the actor to play a werewolf in movies more than any other actor. And he went on to play a werewolf six more times--including three more appearances as Daninsky.

It is therefore not surprising that "Night of the Werewolf" has a very familiar feel to it. Naschy follows the formula of previous outings--Daninsky is a recluse, trying to deal with his monstrous side, who is forced back into the world, first to save the film's love interest from bandits/rapists/her own stupidity... and then to save the world from an evil greater than he. And, in the end, Daninsky wins by performing the ultimate sacrifice and/or must himself be slain because the werebeast within him is too strong to overcome--hitting most of the same plot and emotional notes that worked in previous films.

The plus in this approach is that if you liked previous Naschy outings, you're bound to like this one, as there are just enough variations to the formula to add a little freshness to the going-ons. The negative side, however, is that if you didn't like the previous films, you want to avoid this one like it was a plague carrier. The twists on the formula won't be enough to make this film worth your time.

Decently acted and featuring a script that tries to address some of the common Stupid Character Syndrome mainstays of the vampire and werewolf movie--like why do vampire killers never seem to go looking for the monster's hide-out during the daytime, and why doesn't the werewolf always just lock himself away when the moon is full--it's further augmented by beautiful women who take their shirts off every now and then. While there are some awkward scene transitions and disappointing werewolf transformation effects, the good ultimately outweighs that bad.

Fans of Hammer Films' gothic horrors from the 1950s and 1960s may also wish to seek this film out. Naschy captures the mood of those films perfectly in several sequences... even if his film looks a bit shabbier, because he didn't have Terence Fisher's gift for making $1.95 look like 1.95 million. Still, there aren't many good gothic horror flicks outside the Hammer Films canon, so one has to take them where one finds them.

Reportedly, this was Paul Naschy's personal favorite of all the 12 or 13 Daninsky films, which is no great surprise as this was his first outing as both star, writer, and director. Personally, I think "Werewolf vs. Vampire Woman" (of which this film is, essentially, a remake) is better, but I enjoyed this one, too.

'Attack of the Vegan Zombies' is an uneven but entertaining effort

Attack of the Vegan Zombies! (2012)
Starring: Christine Egan, Jim Townsend, Natalia Jablokov, Kerry Kearns, Watt Smith, John D. Kelly, H. Lynne Smith, and Wyatt Gunter
Director: Jim Townsend
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

A string of bad growing seasons might cause Dionne and Joe (Egan and Townsend) to lose the vineyard and winery she inherited from her father, so Dionne turns to her mother (Smith), a practicing witch, for help. Together, they cast a spell that causes the grapes to grow like never before... but there is one big problem: The plants are sentient and thirsty for the blood of anyone who drinks wine made from the vineyard's grapes.

"Attack of the Vegan Zombies!" is one of those films I wish I liked more than I do. It has a lot going for it... a cast that's generally more talented than what I often see in films at this budgetary level, and a writer/director who seems to actually haven taken his script through more than a single draft, because the dialogue actually seems polished (although I got the sense that maybe a little more research into wine-making might have been needed). Also, as an idea for a low-key "Shaun of the Dead"-type horror spoof, this is a great one.

Townsend also clearly has a firm command of the technical aspects of filmmaking. The scenes are well-framed and well-lit, the edits and establishing shots always dead-on, the sound always clear and well-balanced, be it dialogue or sound effects. On a technical level, this film stands heads-and-shoulders above the vast majority of is low-budget, direct-to-DVD kin.

But as much as I want to like it, the weaknesses present here are so strong that they really get in the way of my overall enjoyment of the film.

The most glaring and persistent of these weaknesses are the characters portrayed by Watt Smith and John D. Kelly. These are a pair of uber-nerds that are played with such over-the-top gusto and caricature that they are out of step with the more realistic performances around them, making their characters irritating on the level of the comic relief characters that were shoehorned into the majority of horror films from the 1930s and 1940s. However, the aren't quite as bad as the majority of those characters, because Kelly and Smith have enough charisma to be likable through the annoying character acting. It's a shame that director Townsend chose to go in that direction, because the geeky banter back and forth between these characters would have been even funnier if they'd been played in a more straight fashion.

Another aspect that weakens the film is that Townsend may have taken on more than he was ready to handle in his first outing as a director; he may have made a mistake when he chose to play the male lead in the film he also directed, because every scene he appears in as an actor seems flat and lifeless when compared to those he isn't in. The clearest example of this is the scene where Dionne and her mother reveal that they are witches with a very real ability to weave spells. It's a great little scene that brings back fond memories of the "Bewitched" TV show, but actresses Christine Egan and H. Lynne Smith showed far greater energy in the scenes where they were interacting with each other or with other actors while Townsend was off-screen watching the scene unfold instead of trying to watch it from within. With more time and money to "get it right", Townsend might have been able to both star in and direct this picture, but given that he only had $30,000 as his budget and presumably the severe time limitations that arise when you have to coordinate your cast-with-dayjobs with when your locations are available, I don't think he had the opportunity for the multiple takes probably needed.

Finally, the film, strangely, seems to come apart at the seams during the final half-hour. For most of its running-time, it builds steadily toward what promises to be a chaotic climax full of killer grapevines and blood-sucking zombies. But as we get to that climax point, promises made early in the film don't pay off--like the exchange the mother has with a local restaurant owner to whom she sells a case of wine that seems to have been made from the magical grapes and its promise of a whole hoard of zombies attacking the winery in search of more "nectar". There are also strange continuity gaffes, and a repeated shying away from anything resembling physical altercations or violent action: We get the set-up, but in nearly every case, the action is either truncated or completely absent. All-in-all, what seemed very promising just sputters out at the end... even to the point where Townsend makes the huge error of tacking on one last joke in the form of a "shock surprise ending" which is predictable, not very funny, and nowhere near the closing moments that this film deserved.

There is enough good about this film that I hope it does well enough for Townsend to either motivate him to self-produce another movie, or for someone to hire him to make one for them. I would like to see what he could come up with, given lessons learned from this film. I also wouldn't mind seeing Christine Egan take another turn in front of a camera, as I think she did a fine job here, in what seems to be her only film role so far. This really is a an okay little movie that got torpedoed by a few bad choices on the part of a first-time director.

"Attack of Vegan Zombies" was completed in 2010, and Townsend has been selling copies of the film directly through his website and on Amazon.com. However, it was recently picked up for distribution by Midnight Releasing, and it will be available everywhere come January 3, 2012.

(My thanks to the good people at Maxim Media for providing me with a copy of the film for review.)

'Sinister' nails feel of a 1970s horror flick

Sinister (2011)
Starring: Donna Hamblin, Donny Versiga, Lucien Eisenach, Luc Bernier, and Isabelle Stephen
Director: Steve Sessions
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When Emily (Hamblin) comes to believe she is being haunted by the ghost of her mother, she enlists the help of her brother (Versiga) and a ghost hunter (Bernier). The discover that the root of her problem is actually an enraged voodoo conjurer (Eisenach) who has placed a death curse on her. Will Emily and her brother be able to harness the power of voodoo themselves and reverse the evil magic before it's too late?

In the years since the retro-flick "Grindhouse" captured the imagination of filmmakers with an affection for low-budget thrillers and horror films from the 1970s and 1980s (if not that of the movie-going public), there has been steady stream of movies made with the intent emulating "classic" drive-in movies.

Many of these efforts have been gimmicky failures, being run-of-the-mill direct-to-video low- or no-budget films with digital "aging" effects added. Even those pictures where the filmmakers tried to capture the essence of movies from the time frame, they usually failed to get the look, the feel, or the nature of the acting right.

But with "Sinister", writer/director Steve Sessions hits every right note to bring us a modern film that would have fit just as well in the 1970s as it does today.

When the opening credits appeared on the screen, the chosen font and the music both made me think that Maxim Media--the parent company of Brain Damage Films, Pendulum Pictures, and Midnight Releasing--had found an old movie that they were re-releasing along with their usual current-day indie fare. However, it quickly became apparent that what I was watching was not an old movie, but a movie where someone had finally captured "grindhouse" atmosphere in a new picture, because the featured actors were mostly not born, or were in pre-school during the '70s.

It isn't that Sessions tried to make a period piece--the film is full of cellphones and other 21st century references--that makes the film an effective mimic, but rather he actually seems to have watched and paid attention to those old time horror flicks.

From the use of lighting to the color schemes, from the cinematography to the soundtrack music, from the nature of the special effects to the style of acting, everything about this movie has a genuine "retro" feel about it. Even the pacing is reminiscent of an old style movie, with a shocking murder to get things going and then a quiet period while the film builds toward its terrifying finale.

If you can't get enough of those "grindhouse" movies, I think you'll find "Sinister" well worth your time.





(My thanks to Maxim Media for providing me with a screener copy of this film.)

'Season of the Witch' is a time of fantasy/horror

Season of the Witch (2011)
Starring: Nicholas Cage, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy, Ulrich Thomsen, Robert Sheehan, Stephen Campbell Moore, and Stephen Graham
Director: Dominic Sena
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A pair of 14th century Crusader knights (Cage and Perlman) return to their homeland to find it ravaged by a terrible plague. They join a priest (Moore) and three other swordsmen (Graham, Sheehan, and Thomsen) on a dangerous mission to escort a mysterious girl (Foy) who is suspected of being the witch who has caused the plague to a remote monastery where her soul will be cleansed.

"Season of Witch" is a fast-moving fantasy/horror film that mixes movie cliches--can there be a horror film set in the Middle Ages that doesn't feature some plague or another?--and refreshing approaches to standard fantasy/horror/action movie types--such as the knights played by Cage and Perlman who have grown disillusioned with earthly religious institutions but who still don't go on long, never-ending screeds about God not existing--with a degree deftness that a fairly standard story and characters have enough of an air of freshness about them that you won't regret the time or the money spent on watching this movie.

The audience for this film are big fans of D&D-style low-fantasy adventures, as the horror here is more R.E. Howard than H.P. Lovecraft, and the heroes' relationship with God and religion is more Solomon Kane than Joan of Arc. It's a straight-forward adventure populated with situations and characters that will either bring feelings of nostalgia or satisfaction to DMs and players who will feel like the scenery in their mind's eye while playing paper-based RPGs has come to life on the screen before them. This movie is what a D&D movie should be like, with its ass-kicking heroes, sinister witches, zombies, and uber-powerful demons.

Unfortunately, the film shares a bit of the haphazard plotting that is typical of even the best conceived roleplaying game adventures, be they "homebrews" or published scenarios. Much of what happens in the film seems to happen just because it's a plot necessity, especially once the characters reach their destination. I can't go into it too much without spoiling the movie, but you will find yourself wondering why the heroes even made it inside the monastery walls as the film barrels toward its CG monster-filled climax. The red herrings presented--is the girl a witch or not?; is the priest a bad guy rapist/satanist or not?--are clumsily implemented and there is never any real doubt on the part of the viewer what the truth is. And then there's the unfortunately, unintentionally comedic named location of "City of Villach."All in all, the script is fairly weak, succeeding in large part because it is constantly moving the film forward to the next creepy scene or the next fight, and because the filmmakers were smart and confident enough in their abilities to stay off the soap-box and show us the brutality and corruption that can arise from religious fanaticism instead of telling us. (Although the friend I saw the film with though less of it than I did, she being troubled by the fact that the only women in the film were demon-possessed witches who were just there to be dispatched.)

The other keys to what makes this film fun to watch is the peformances by Nicholas Cage, Ron Perlman, and Claire Foy. None are particularly deep characters, but Cage and Perlman play well off each other, and they are perfectly believable as life-long friends and honorable knights. Meanwhile, Foy can project wide-eyed innocence and demonic menace with equal force.

Fans of the films stars and of low-fantasy (or the even lower D&D-style fantasy) will enjoy "Season of the Witch". Admirers of the Tolkien and Lewis screen adaptations might want to skip it.

'Sabbath' is full of good concepts but still fails

While straightening up my office, I found some movies I'd misfiled. For who-knows-what-reason, I'd put about half a dozen DVDs in my "Watched" drawer when I had done nothing of the sort!

I'll be trying to get to those movies as soon as possible, but by way of setting the stage for one of those upcoming reviews, here's an Oldie But a Goodie that originally appeared at revenant.com.


Sabbath (2008)
Starring: Ashley Gallo, Bobby Williams, David Crawford, Rob Holmes, Cory Wisberger, and Cheyenne Stewart
Director: William Victor Schotten
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Geller (Gallo), Mack, (Williams), and a trio of oddball misfits (Crawford, Holmes, and Wisberger) struggle to join forces and stay alive as the dead rise from their graves. They are, literally, the last five living beings on Earth, as it is Judgement Day and angelic beings and shadowy demons are prowling around them, waiting and watching for one final event to occur.

"Sabbath" is a low-budget zombie picture that shows every indication of being made with dedication and heart. The best part is that there was a fair degree of talent at work in the cinematography department. It even has a number of appealing aspects as far as the story goes. Unfortunately, it's simply not very good. It is a tie between this film and "Revolt of the Zombies" for the Dullest Zombie Movie I've Ever Seen Award.

Basically, the film suffers from all the usual flaws that are often found in horror movies at this level. Establishing shots go on forever. Lots of scenes of characters running, walking, or standing in forests with nothing else really going on. Lame fight scenes that might have been less lame if a) the director had attempted less of them, and b) more rehearsal time had gone into staging them--the climactic battle in the churchyard wold have been so much better if it had been concentrated into about half or one-third of the time it takes in the existing film. The actors mostly seem lethargic, as if they are at a rehearsal instead of actually making the movie. Almost every scene continues well past the point where it should have ended. There's also the sloppiness and shortcuts taken where just a little extra effort or investment would have improved things immensely--like giving the Angel of Death a scythe that looked like it might actually cut something, and dressing the demons in black tights instead of black jeans and sneakers.

In fact, "Sabbath" would have been far less boring if the director had recognized that he was stretching about 45 minutes of movie to nearly twice that length. It also would have been less boring if the script had seen a couple more revisions and if it had ended up with a little more sound logic to underpin the fact that the five main characters in the film aren't the
final five living beings on Earth by accident.

Late in the film (VERY late) we learn that all five characters had some part to play in the accidental death of Geller's daughter. The Angel of Death and some other angel (the Angel of Mercy? Archangel Michael? It's never named, but it's played by Cheyenne Stewart) are waiting to judge let just one of them into Heaven as the last soul before the gates close forever. However, the timing of the little girl's death as given in the film makes no sense, as she supposedly died two full weeks prior to the events of the film. We are to believe that on the ENTIRE planet Earth, no other events of that nature occurred for two weeks? The film would have been far stronger if the death of the little girl had occurred the day before the Judgement Day instead of weeks prior, as the notion of these five people needing to be judged "after the fact" would have made more sense.

I really wish I could like this movie more, because it has some aspects to it I really enjoyed.

I liked mystery of the grim reaper, the angel, and the evil spirits (or demons, whatever they were) creeping about or even assisting the film's main characters unseen by them; that's something I've never seen in a zombie picture before. One of the film's best moments happens when the Grim Reaper smites a zombie just as it was about to attack Bobby Williams, and he is then left trying to figure out why the zombie just keeled over. I also liked the way the film overtly got into the the mystical Judgement Day aspects of mass-zombie attacks instead of presenting it as one character's superstition and then dismissing it with a scientific explanation. I also liked the very end of the movie, even if I 'm a bit unsure of what exactly the director was trying to convey.

The best thing I can say about "Sabbath" is that it kept me watching. The bit with the angels, demons, and a mystical Judgement Day unfolding around the characters gave this zombie flick an unusual dimension. In fact, that whole aspect of the film may make it worth checking out for experienced watchers of the zombie genre.

'Trailer Park of Terror' is trashy, gory fun

Trailer Park of Terror (2008)
Starring: Nichole Hiltz, Jeanette Brox, Brock Chuchna, Stefanie Black, Matthew Del Negro, and Trace Adkins
Director: Steven Goldman
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

When a bus-load of troubled teens on a church retreat crash during a rain-storm, the passengers and their chaparone (Del Negro) take refuge at a nearby trailer park. Unfortunately for them, the trailer park is merely the ghostly reflection of a murderous den of hillbilly criminals that died in a gory, revenge-fueled massacre decades earlier. They now re-inact their brutal ways on hapless travelers, under the command of Norma (Hiltz), one of their victims who has turned victimizer thanks to a deal with the devil (Adkins).

"Trailer Park of Terror" has something for just about every horror fan. It takes nearly every disgusting thing you've seen in a Killer Hicks movie from the 1970s forward and combines them with a sadistic sense of humor that will put you in mind films like "Spider Baby" and "Re-Animator", as well as slightly more modern off-kilter horror features like "From Dusk 'Til Dawn". Further, the ghosts mostly manifest themselves as disgusting walking corpses, so lovers of zombie films will have something to sink their metaphorical teeth into, while admirers of Torture Porn flicks will get to watch one victim get her arm sawed off while tripping so high she doesn't notice until after the fact, and another victim is turned into jerky meat while still alive. And then there's the horny teens that are forced to be the stars of a snuff flick.

I'm not a big fan of mean-spirited and sadistic horror films, so there was quite a bit about "Trailer Park of Terror" I didn't care for. I also like my gory ghost movies and slasher flicks to have a "morality tale" aspect to them, and when they don't--or it's a weak part of the film, as it is here--the film invariably loses me, so that was another reason for me not to like this flick.

However, this thing is so well-written and so finely acted by everyone involved that I couldn't help but like it. Virtually all the characters are so purely one-note and cliched with the hillbilly ghosts  that combining them all in one place manages to breath a form of demented freshness into the film--the writers didn't even try to expand the victims beyond horny teen, asshole teen, druggie teen, and so on; nor to give the ghosts more definition than rapist redneck, robber redneck, cannibal redneck, and so on.

The only character with even the slightest depth to her is Norma, who in life was the only non-psychotic inhabitant of the trailer park... at least until she decided she had enough of them and gunned them all down and killed herself. But the facets to the Norma character never manifests itself quite in the way one expects as the film unfolds, something which becomes which is highlighted and becomes even more interesting due to the plethora of one-note stereotypes that otherwise inhabit the film. It also helps, of course, that Hiltz is a better actress than her repeated casting as a white-trash bimbo (here, and in the television series "The Riches" and "In Plain Sight") warrants. I'd like to see in more horror movies, and in different roles than what she seems to be playing over and over.

The only real down-side that I saw to this film is its somewhat disorganized structure. It starts with an extended sequence in the past and then interrupts the present with a couple of extended flashbacks that both fill in back story but also stand alone to some extent, giving the film the fell of a half-baked anthology. Given the film is based on the anthology comic book series "Trailer Park of Terror", I understand why the filmmakers wanted to make a nod in the direction of their source, but I just wish they had done it in a less choppy fashion.

In the final analysis, though, "Trailer Park of Terror" is well worth watching.

'Re-Animator' is a gory trip into movie madness

Re-Animator (1985)
Starring: Jeffrey Combs, Bruce Abbott, Barbara Crampton, David Gale and Robert Sampson
Director: Stuart Gordon
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Dan's new roommate and fellow third-year med student, Herbert West (Combs) draws him into his bizarre (and successful) experiments with re-animating dead bodies.

"Re-Animator" is one of the craziest movies ever made, and it ranks up there with "Dead Alive" as one of the funniest creepy movies ever made. While it is nowhere near as gory as "Dead Alive" and the slapstick isn't quite as sharp, it features a cleverer script and a superior cast.

Jeffrey Combs is particularly excellent as Herbert West. We get the sense that he's a bit weird early in the film and highly strung; Combs performance puts the viewer in mind of Peter Cushing's Victor Frankenstein in the first couple of Hammer Frankenstein films... coldblooded, arrogant and probably sociopathic but not necessarily completely bonkers. When West calmly a bone saw through the chest of a zombie and then immediately sets about reanimating its recently deceased victim, it's clear not just from his actions but from Combs performance that he more than a little off. And when he later animates the severed head of an obnoxious rival (likewise brilliantly played by David Gale), it's clear that he is completely unhinged.

Speaking of the severed head, it gives rise to some of the most unnerving moments in the film, as well some of the funniest. I don't want to go into too much details, because I'd ruin the shock value. Suffice to say, it's something that needs to be seen.

Credit also needs to be go to Bruce Abbott and Barbara Crampton. While Combs and Gale are giving performances that seem like they just teleported in from a Hammer Films set in 1960, they play their characters mostly low-key. This, combined with the fact that their characters are nice and normal people, give the audience someone to identify with as the film unfolds and provide an island of calm in the middle of the evermore turbulent sea of madness that is this movie.


"Re-Animator" elevates Herbert West among the great movie mad doctors, even if, according to the very informative interview included on the Achor Bay edition of the film, he was actually a minor character in the script and through most of the filming. It wasn't until "Re-Animator" was crafted into a releasable movie that the emphasis shifted to Herbert. (Comments in the interviews on the DVD even make me wonder if the filmmakers knew they were making a comedy until late in the process....)

Whether intentional or accidental art, this is one of those movies that gets everything right, from the mood-setting prologue, through its score (which spoofs Bernard Hermann's famous music for "Psycho") to its chilling end. It's also feels as fresh as when it first released in 1985. This is one of those very rare horror movies that actually deserves the label "classic."

If you are inclined to add this film to your personal library, make sure you get the limited edition "unrated" version from Anchor Bay. The cut presented there may be shorter than the R-rated version, but the humor and shocks are more outrageous than its tamer and slightly bloated counterpart. The disc full of extras is also something that you'll find extremely interesting if you have any interest at all in the filmmaking process. (The same is true of the commentary tracks.)

'Cadaverella' is cleverer than many horror flicks

Cadaverella (2007)
Starring: Megan Goddard, Ryan Seymour, Santiago Vasquez, Jennifer Friend, and Kieran Hunter
Director: Timothy Friend
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

When Cinder (Goddard) is murdered the day before her 21st birthday -- just before she would have gained control of the trust fund her father left her, and just before being able to kick her ex-stripper stepmother and her two freakish stepsisters out of her house -- she is restored to life by voodoo god Baron Samedei (Vasquez) so she can take her revenge.

"Cadaverella" is a neat low-budget horror film, but one that may be a bit too strange for those who like their zombie/revenge flicks pure and brainless. It's mix of fairy tale elements, voodoo, and strange 1950s vibes was fun for me, but it was off-putting to some of the people I viewed the film with.

The story in "Cadaverella" is roughly constructed like the fairy tale "Cinderella" (if the combo of the main character's name and the film's title doesn't make that obvious). Like her fairytale counterpart, Cinder slaves away at work and school while her stepmother and her stepsisters never lift a finger, but unlike the fairytale, Cinder doesn't get to live happily ever after. She is a troubled young woman, and she is more abusive to her Prince Charming (a wheelchair-bound college student named Justin) than loving, and she is ultimately murdered by the motorcycle-riding bad-boy she is attracted to (both played by Seymour, in an interesting casting choice, although I do wish they'd gotten a better wig for the Cash character. While I didn't recognize Seymour--he does a good job at changing his inflections and facial expressions between the two characters--that awful wig did make me take notice of Cash in ways I'm sure the filmmakers didn't intend. Finally, we have Baron Samedei standing in for the Fairy Godmother, granting Cinder's wishes, and seeing that she gets her night at the ball.

With the exception of that one wig, the only other complaint I have with the films production values is that someone should have played a little less with the Video Toaster software (or whatever is being used nowadays. There are some very bad, and unneeded visual effects here and there in the fillm--but since they show up at least twice, the filmmakers must have liked them.

"Cadaverella" has the look of being shot on video, but scenes are framed and staged is anything but cheap. The scene where Cash and Cinder are in the woods, and the camera pulls back to reveal the shovel leaning against a tree particularly stands out in my mind as a resonating image. Another favorite is the bit of slapstick at the library where Donna is electrocuted. In fact, I've seen films that were probably made for ten times the budget of this one where the camera-people could stand to take a few tips from the crew here.

Something else that "Cadaverella" has that many films of this kind do not are main characters that the viewer can relate to. Cinder and Justin come across as real, living human beings (although the library scenes mark Cinder as something of a bitch), and the final scene they share together becomes quite impactful and moving as a result.

In fact, I think Justin and Cinder could have seemed even more real--and their relationship have even more impact--if the writers had spent just a little more time on the dialog the actors delivereed while playing them. The performances are excellent--and far better than I've come to expect from modern low-budget films--and they would have been even stronger if the lines had seemed just a bit more natural. The writers have horror and comedy down, but the dialog remained just a little rough.

'The Ghostbreakers' features a great cast, great cinematography, and a weak script

The Ghostbreakers (1940)
Starring: Bob Hope, Willy Best, Paulette Goddard, Paul Lukas, and Anthony Quinn
Director: George Marshall
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

A risk-taking radio reporter (Hope) and his butler Alex (Best) set out to protect an heiress (Goddard) when it seems a sinister Cuban businessman (Lukas) is going to try to scare her out of her ancestral home with a fake haunting.

"The Ghostbreakers" is a fast-paced, messily plotted horror comedy that has Bob Hope playing an oddly contradictory character--one who constantly talks about how scared and cowardly he is, but who invariably chooses the most direct and dangerous path toward problem solving at every opportunity. He is ably supported by Willie Best, who plays his man-servant and is slightly more prone to fear than his boss but who also seems to be a little smarter; and by Paulette Goddard, the chipper and stubborn heiress who refuses to be intimidated and who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "no." This trio of performers play fabulously off each other, each displaying fine perfect timing and switching back and forth between the roles of "straight man" when the jokes are flying.

The comedic performances of the stars is both enhanced and contrasted by stylish and moody cinematography and great sets that puts a number of straight horror movies from the 1940s to shame (including some of Universal's later Mummy pictures and all the "House of..." monster mashes). A number of sequences would be perfectly at home in a horror film, such as when the characters arrive on the island housing the haunted castle, and the one where Paulette Goddard is stalked by a zombie.

Unfortunately, the excellent cast and crew are laboring in the service of a badly done script. While each joke and comedic set-piece are funny by themselves, the plot that links them together is so badly constructed that it can't even be described as flimsy. Several of the red herrings obscuring who the true bad guy is are left to just flop around on the floor without any tie-in whatsoever to anything else that's going, and no explanation is offered as to how the weird caretaker of the castle and her zombie son fit into things. Presumably, they are in league with the villain, but that's never made clear, nor is there any sort hint provided to whether the son truly is a zombie or not. Worse, the zombie is the object of one of films pure moments of slapstick when within this space of a few minutes it manages to put on (or be placed in) a suit of armor and ambush Hope and Best with a morning star. Did the zombie disguise himself? Did his mother? Did the villain? It's just one of many disconnects in the film that cause its second half and conclusion to be less-than-satisfying.

Speaking of zombies and disconnects, this is one of those films I've heard is supposed to be racist through and through, because Willie Best plays a character that is a spooked black servant who is the butt of a number of jokes from Bob Hope. However, if one actually watches the movie, one sees that Best's character actually gives as good as he gets--lobbing more than just a few zingers Hope's way--and is no more or less cowardly or scared than any other character in the film. Yes, he's a clear-cut comedic figure in the film, where Hope swings between comedic and heroic, but he stands watch over the lady in distress even while knowing a killer is on the prowl, and he joins with Hope in a physical fight against the zombie. I had the same reaction to this film as I had to "King of the Zombies", another film featuring a supposedly horribly racist portrayal of a black character, but in actually watching the film, the black servant turns out to be the brightest character in the film. (Admittedly, the Mantan Moreland-portrayed character in that film is the stereotypical "scared negro servant" who happens to be working for a racist moron.)

And in both those supposedly racist films, the racist stereotypes are mild when compared to black characters in modern films, such as the over-sexed, loudmouth cop that Chris Tucker portrayed in the "Rush Hour" series, or just about any film you care to mention that has featured a rapper or former rapper trying his hand at acting. It seems to me that some commentators should actually try watching this movies instead at coming at them with preconceived notions.

Despite its flaws, "The Ghostbreakers" is an entertaining comedy in the "creepy old house" vein that lovers of that sub-genre would do well to check out. Bob Hope fans will likewise find the film interesting, as the character he portrays is a little different from what emerged later once his comedic film persona was firmly established. All in all, it's a movie that should bring extra fun to the Halloween season.

The film that reshaped pop culture zombies

Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Starring: Judith O'Dea, Duane Jones, Karl Hardman, Marilyn Eastman, Keith Wayne, Judith Reilly, and Kyra Schon
Director: George Romero
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When the dead rise to eat the living, a small group of people board themselves up in a house and attempt to hold out against an army of hungry zombies.

"Night of the Living Dead" is perhaps one of the most effective horror movies ever made. While its budget constraints are occassionally evident, and the acting leaves something to be desired at times, it still emerges as one of the scariest, most intense, films ever, with near-perfect pacing, great camera work, and sparse but effective set design and special effects. It's also arguably the most influential film of modern times, and many creators of horror and suspense films from the past 20 years probably owe quite a bit to Romero for inspiriation.

The key to the films success is that it incorporates a bit of the morality play aspect that exists at the core of most horror movies with a complete sense of claustrophobia and a certain doom. Although a national (possibly worldwide) disaster in unfolding, the action of movie is mostly confined to a single house, and the threats that those barricaded within come not only from the undead hoard outside, but also from each other as their various character flaws are explosed and amplified due to their situation. (Of course, it also features one of the most disturbing zombie flesh-eating scenes that have ever been put on fillm... if you've seen the film, you know what I mean, and if you haven't yet, you will know as soon as the moment happens.)

Despite recognizing this as a true classic fillm, I also admit it's not perfect. In addition to the acting, there's a couple of plot holes. I recently watched the movie again, and I still find the opening cemetary sequence strange beyond words, and I still am not certain what Barbara's ultimate fate is. (One thing I am certain of is that it's not a racist movie. I watched the film again, because I heard how it was supposed to have racist undertones throughout--undertones that are fully exposed at the film's climax--and since I'd never noticed that, I figured I'd watch the film again. Well, I'm here to tell you that anyone who finds racism in this movie is probably a racist themselves who are engaging in a bit of projection.)

This film is one of the most commonly found in the massive DVD multipacks, and it is a highlight of every package it's in; it plus one or two additional movies you're interested in will make the set worth its purchase price.

If you haven't seen this classic and are a fan of zombie movies and horror movies in general, this is a must-see. It's the original of the "modern zombie" and a damn fine movie to boot. The above is even more imperative if you're a filmmaker making low-budget pictures. THIS is what the low- and "micro-budget" movies should be like... completely free of padding and waste.

'Zombies Calling' is top-notch zombie comedy

Zombies Calling (Published by SLG Publishing, 2007)
Story and Art: Faith Erin Hicks
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When a Canadian university is overrun by zombies, it's up to geeky horror film lover Joss to save herself and her roomates, armed only with the Rules of Survival gleaned a lifetime of watching zombie movies and a spork.

For about two decades, SLG Publishing (formerly Slave Labor Graphics) and its imprint Amaze Ink has been one of the American comic book industry's best-kept secrets. They have quietly been publishing high-quality, quirky comics and graphic novels that really deserve far more recognition and readership than they've ever gotten.

One such book is Faith Erin Hicks' hilarious "Zombies Calling", a breezy graphic novel that moves effortlessly between drama, humor and horror. It's a well-crafted book that entetains and amuses from the first page to the last. Writer/artist Hicks presents a cast of characters that are likeable and funny and that she gets us to care about. Like a good zombie movie, we want them to escape the brain-hungry hoards because we like them... and when Rule Two comes into play ("One person makes the ultimate sacrifice so the rest can live"), the book as as suspenseful as any zombie movie you've seen.

In fact, this book will remind you so strongly of "Zombieland" that you may think Hicks was copying that movie. The truth is, Hicks' book predates "Zombieland", and it's either proof that Great Minds Think Alike, or the writers of "Zombieland" are familiar with the well-kept secret that is SLG Publishing, and intimately familiar with "Zombies Calling".

If you're looking for some light Halloween reading, or perhaps a gift for a zombie lover in your life, you can't go wrong with "Zombies Calling".

It's a zombie movie of a different sort

Zombies Anonymous (aka "Last Rites for the Dead") (2008)
Starring: Gina Ramsden, Joshua Nelson, Christa McNamee, and Mary Jo Verruto
Director: Marc Fratto
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

The recently dead are rising into a state of undeath with their full faculties intact and society is struggling to cope. When Angela (Ramsden) is murdered by her abusive boyfriend (Nelson), she too rises from the dead. She first tries to conceal the fact that she is now dead so she can quietly carry on the business of living. Ultimately, she is forced to join other zombies in the fight for social justice and equal rights, in the violent battle against the anti-zombie movement led by the vicious Commandant (McNamee), and even to struggle against a cult of zombies that have become the monsters the living fear they are.

"Zombies Anonymous" is a cut above the vast majority of zombie movies from the past and present. It's got a better script, it's got superior camera work and make-up effects, and it's got a cast of very talented actors. In fact, it belongs on a level approaching "Dawn of the Dead" as far as the performance delivered by the cast and its effectiveness is delivering social commentary and satire while still remaining a perfectly straight and deadly serious horror movie. The intense plot twists and turns in the third act and the blood-drenched, dramatic climax is also one of the best finales to any zombie movie, period.

Director/screenwriter Marc Fratto has created a film that not only stands apart from most of the output from his fellow indie filmmakers but that also puts recent horror movies from major studios to shame. There may not be hoards of mindless, flesh-eating zombies roaming the streets in this film... but the monstrosity the unfortunate zombies in this story cause to be revealed in the average person is far more frightening. Like the best horror films (and sci-fi flicks for that matter), the worst monsters in the "Zombies Anonymous" aren't the creatures in the title but rather the humans that "fight" them.

First and foremost, Fratto made sure that he maximized the quality of the one thing that every indie producer has total control over: The script.

With the exception of a couple very minor logical flaws (ones that could perhaps even be dismissed as artifacts of a society falling apart in the face of a completely unexpected development but which feel more like plot conveniences if one is being perfectly objective), the script here is honed to perfection. The film is virtually free of padding and every line of dialogue is vibrant and necessary. Each major character even has their own unique way of speaking, the true hallmark of a well-written, well-polished script. The mirror it holds up to society and the issues of tolerance and how quickly we might all give way to bigotry are also explored in very clever ways--the zombies here are not threatening anyone but are as harmless as they were when they were fully alive yet they are still hated and abused, sometimes by those who used to be their friends and loved ones. Finally, the film offers some of the commentary on the modern, brand-name and consumption-driven business world. (Interestingly, the marketers and mega-corporations might well be the most accepting of the new "living dead" segment of the population in the film, as they quickly jump on the opportunity to market products to them. I'm not sure if it was a message that Fratto intended, but it's true that the smart businessman is the least bigoted person of all... your money spends the same no matter who you are.)

Second, Fratto didn't try to create scenes and effects that were beyond what he, his actors and special effects crew could effectively handle. Fratto also has an eye for staging and filming action, with the result that all the action and fight scenes in the film are convincing and realistic. The splatter effects are also extremely well done. (Angela's death at the beginning of the film was particularly excruciating and shocking.)

Finally, "Zombies Anonymous" features a cast of excellent actors. Almost everyone appearing clearly understands the different techniques that need to be employed when acting for a camera instead of an audience in a theatre (something all-too-rare among actors featured in low-budget films like this), and every important part is filled by someone with a level of talent that makes me hope they'll go onto bigger films and bigger paychecks in the future.

Gina Ramsden is particularly good in her part, portraying a character that could easily have come across either as a whiner or as a cliched battered woman if someone of lesser talent had been cast. Instead, Ramsden infuses Angela with a humanity and depth that makes the viewer feel deeply for her and gives the film an emotional center all-too-rarely found in zombie movies. We're already rooting for the zombies in this picture, but it’s the sympathy and emotional attachment to Angela that Ramsden's performance generates that really makes us hate the villains in this picture.

The final word is that "Zombies Anonymous" is the best zombie picture I've seen in years. With enough gore and violence to keep fans of modern zombie movie happy, enough character development, soul-wrenching horror and tragedy to keep fans of classic horror movies entertained, and enough intelligent content and social commentary to keep all but the most snobbish "intellectuals" engaged, this is a film all horror fans can appreciate.

You can also gain more information about the movie and see production stills by visiting the official website.

'Johnny Sunshine' is full of violent sex

Johnny Sunshine: Maximum Violence (2008)
Starring: Shey Bland, Eric Halsell, John Patrick McCauley and Josh Winkerbean
Director: Matt Yaeger
Rating: Four of Ten

In a dark future world overrun with zombies, Johnny Sunshine (Bland) is the hottest star in the snuff porn/zombie porn business. the film followers her through a couple of typical blood-soaked, drug-addled workdays while the producer and distributor of her films, Max (Halsell), plots to sell her boyd and soul to a corrupt cop named Stein (McCauley) so he can secure his entry into a walled city as a full citizen.


"Johnny Sunshine" is a film that mixes the cyberpunk and zombie movie genres quite effectively. It's a natural mix, as heartless societies are the mainstay of both (at least in the "after the fall" mode). It's a film that I sat down to watch, expecting to love, despite its obvious low budget.

But, then the torture porn started. I'm not talking "torture porn' in the "Saw" sense here... I mean literal torture porn. Long sequences of it. Sequences where our "heroine" rips a man's tongue out with a pair of pliers while having sex with him, and another where she rapes a young woman to death with a crowbar.

It was horrible stuff, and it was beyond my tolerance limit. I'm already a little squeamish when it comes to movie violence, but throw in sex at the same time and you've made a movie that isn't for me.

The on-screen snuff porn aspect aside, there's an interesting storyline unfolding in the film that details the complete and total corruption of society, and it presents a healthy dose of George Romero-esque social satire on the whole reality TV movement that's been taking every media segment by storm. The story would have been a little stronger if there had been something likable about Johnny, but it's hard to care about the fate of a character after you've watched her rape a girl to death with a crowbar. The ending is in keeping with the tone of the film and Johnny's personality and it actually made me revise my overall opinion of the film upward. it's actually one of those rare perfect endings and it shows that screenwriter Sean-Michael Argo has a keen sense of story (crowbar-rape scenes aside).

The acting in the film is a better than average for what is usually found in this kind of movie made with this kind of budget and Shey Bland is an attractive and charismatic actress (which gives the Johnny Sunshine character more appeal that she might otherwise have had given the repulsive things she does). The make-up effects and fight scenes are average, which means they fight choreography leaves something to be desired and more than once it's obvious that blows don't connect due either to bad camera placement or actors not hitting their marks properly.

If you can stomach the repulsive sexual violence in this film, it is actually a nice little hybrid genre picture. It makes me wonder what director Matt Yaeger and writer Argo might come up with if they do a second movie. I see talent here, and I'm interested in seeing how it develops with experience. I likewise hope to see Shey Bland again in the future--this is her first and, so far, only film credit--as she appears to be an interesting and talented actress.

'Resident Evil: Afterlife' is best since original

Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Boris Kodjoe, Wentworth Miller, and Shawn Roberts
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

After destroying Umbrella Corp's headquarters with an army of clones, the sole surviving Alice (Jovovich) goes in search of Arcadia, the one place in the world where the zombies don't prey on the living. But Arcadia won't give up its secrets easily.


"Resident Evil: Afterlife" is, as some critics might say, a spectacular thrill-ride. The quiet moments in this film are few and far between, and even when they happen, they are pregnant with the promise that violence, mayhem, and bloodshed is about to erupt all over again. It works both as a video-game adaptation--like in previous installments of the series, you can feel the story progressing through "the levels" and this one even has obvious "boss encounters" along the way--and as an over-the-top action film.

Although I think this is the best film in the series since the original, it's not a horror movie; that's one aspect the first film had that this one doesn't. This is an exciting action film that's full of zombies... and even has a few scary moments here and there.

While I was entertained and engaged throughout the whole movie, nothing in it quite topped the opening sequence with all the Alices storming Umbrella HQ... for once, a "Resident Evil" film not only acknowledged but also lived up to the promise of the sequel hook at the end of the previous film. Some of the sequences came close--like Alice and Claire's fight against an axe-wielding super-zombie, and Alice's running battle with a hoard of zombies consisting of half the population of Los Angeles--but Anderson really gave the best the film had to offer in the first few minutes. (Or maybe I just feel that way because I've been hoping for that sequence for the past three years.)

Character-wise, there isn't much to say. Milla Jovovich is really the only person who has an opportunity to act in the film, even if it generally just consists of being a bad-ass. She is in nearly every scene, however, so it says quite a bit about her charisma and presence that she can carry an entire movie like she does here.

Of course, the gimmick of 3D also helps, and it's a gimmick that's put to full and complete use in virtually every frame of the film. Some uses are subtle, some are funny, and some make the film's couple of "boo!-gotcha!" moments even more startling, but they are all very effective. I still don't like 3D--I had to move to another seat because the runner lights on the theater steps were reflecting off the glasses, and I once again ended up with a mild headache at the end--but I have to say that this is probably the best 3D movie I've yet to see, and it has managed to weaken my hostility ever-so-slightly.

If you liked other "Resident Evil" movies, if you like Milla Jovovich in her bad-ass comic-book warrior chick mode, and if you like the 3D gimmickery, I'm certain you'll love this movie.

Third 'Resident Evil' fun but forgettable

Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larder, Iain Glen, Mike Epps, Oded Fehr, Spencer Locke, and Christopher Egan
Director: Russell Mulcahy
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Five years after an accident in a top secret lab unleashed a virus that turns dead bodies into flesh-hungry, violent zombies, the world is overrun with undead. Pockets of survivors still exist, and Claire Redfern (Larder) leads a convey from place to plance, attempting to gather them and form strength in numbers. She eventually crosses paths with Alice (Jovovich), who is on the run from the creators of the virus. They consider her their property, and they want to back. Will Alice be the salvation of Claire and her mobile community, or will she bring doom to them all?


After getting over the dissapointment of the fact that "Resident Evil: Extinction" does NOT follow up on what seemed to be an obvious and very cool sequel set-up at the end of "Resident Evil: Apocalypse"--except with an brief exchange between Carlos (Fehr, the only returning castmember from the other film aside from Jovovich) and Alice--I came to appreciate this supposedly final film in the series for its "The Road Warrior Meets George Romero's Day of the Dead" vibe.

I can't praise the film for its script... it unfolds as though it was based on someone's "All Flesh Must Be Eaten" or "Dark Conspiracy" roleplaying campaign, as the fillm moves from horror-flavored, action-oriented horror encounter area to horror-flavored action-oriented encounter area. While the main story-thrust of the film is resolved and the main villain within reach gets his by the end of the film--and please say that's a spoiler... you KNOW that even before he shows up in the movie that the mad scientist is going to bite the dust during the final reel!--the film leaves so many dangling plot-threads that it feels more like the middle of a film series instead of the end. Just like a supposedly "climactic" session of a well-run (and continuing) roleplaying game session.

I also can't really praise the acting in this film, because I don't think there was any. (I know that's not true... the apparently lack of acting is acting in and of itself, as anyone who's seen more than two or three low-budget indie horror movies will confirm). But, the film is so devoid of anything but action that there's no need for the actors to do anything but run around and shoot off blanks and beat on extras in zombie make-up. Jovovich does a little acting when she first wakes up at what seems to be the beginning of first "Resident Evil" movie, and then later when she comes upon the cornerstone of Umbrella Corporation's latest project, but she isn't exactly required to stretch herself.

I am, however, impressed with movie's breakneck pace and how it kept me entertained... and even how it shocked and startled me with violent zombie attacks. The zombie crow sequence was also expertly staged and executed, and it was one of the scariest sequences I've seen in recent cinema. Yes, it was remincent of both "The Birds" and "Night of the Living Dead"... but I wouldn't have thought that borrowing from two such different classics could result in something so nifty.

There isn't a scrap of padding in the film. It promises to deliver zombies and lots of gory violence, and it delivers on that in spades. While part of me would have liked a slightly more structured plot, the overall film still worked for me. I also didn't mind the fact that the end of the film really isn't all that much of an ending--instead, it opens up branches to two possible sequels. Maybe that's because I've been running running roleplaying game campaigns for some 30 years now, and that's exactly how I like to "end" my campaigns. I want to always keep openings so the fun can continue, if the players are willing.

"Resident Evil: Extinction" is not a masterpiece. In fact, it's probably downright forgettable, and I am certain that in a week, my memories of it will be as vague as those I have of the first two, but while in the theater, I enjoyed myself immensely.

'Resident Evil' moves into the neighborhood

Resident Evil (2002)
Starring: Milla Jovovich
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

If you like action flicks AND are a fan of the classic horror flick "Dawn of the Dead," you're going to love "Resident Evil."


In a future where the global trade and politics is dominated by Umbrella Corporation, something goes terribly wrong at a top secret research installation under a major metropolitan area. A crack commando team is sent in to discover what happened... and come face to face with ravenous hoards of undead and other nasty critters created by the corporation's military/health research department. Meanwhile, a young woman, Alice (Jovovich), is trying to recover her memory and learn how she might be connected to the outbreak... and if she might be the key to stopping it.

The scares are neat, the action is non-stop and well-conceived, and, while the plot doesn't really stray from the "science goes horribly wrong and now the dead walk!"-type plot, it is very well executed and there are a couple of nice twists and interesting moments.

And some scary moments, too. The infected dogs are horrifying and the revelation of who Alice is very well done and it give Milla Jovovich a chance to actually act instead of just look tough and sexy.

Even better, although I've never played the video games this film was based upon, I could see the "levels" and the "challenges" of the game play out on screen without seeming too hokey. It's nice to see something that remains true to the nature of its source material, yet still create an adaptation that works in the new medium.

Destined to make you look at the clock

Destined to Be Ingested (aka "Holocaust Holocaust") (2010)
Starring: Kitty Cole, Kris Eivers, Noshir Dalal, Theodore Bouloukos, Manuel Fihman, Suzi Lorraine, Bill Weeden, and Randall Heller
Director: Sofian Khan
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

In 1987, four Yuppies (Bouloukos, Cole, Eivers, and Lorraine) were stranded on a South Island. The title of the film gives away part of what happens next--and even if it didn't... has there ever been a south sea island that wasn't home to cannibals or people-eating monsters?--but it won't prepare viewers for the Tarazan-esque love story, nor the arrival of the zombies.


First off, let me admit that I may be ill-equipped to review this film. I may even be committing the sort of Reviewing Deadly Sin that I ranted about in this article(and numerous others), because I have seen very few of the movies in the cannibal horror/jungle savage subgenre this movie belongs to,and I've reviewed even fewer.

And that could be the reason why I'm not entirely sure how I was supposed to take "Destined to Be ingested". The title and the preview for the film both scream comedy, but the execution is straight-laced and so restrained that I can't help but think it was intended to be viewed as a straight horror movie, perhaps even a homage to films like "Cannibal Holocaust" and "Slaves of the Mountain God". The fact its set during the 1980s--when many such films were being made--can be used to support either approach, as can the sound mixing. Like many films where quick and cheap dub jobs were done, the dialogue is crystal clear and obviously recorded in studio; either the filmmakers were doing it intentionally, or the soundtrack needed to be mixed better.

Whether it's to be taken seriously as a homage to the cannibal and zombie pictures of the 1980s, or viewed as a spoof of those movies, the film's flaws are the same. First off, it takes entirely too long in getting to the violence and mayhem everyone knows is coming--nearly one-third of the movie's barely over an hour running-time. The movie spends one-third of its running time on setting up characters that never rise above the level of cliches, setting up sex scenes that we don't get to see because the scene cuts away, and setting the stage for some of the most tepid violence you'll ever see in a horror flick featuring cannibals (unless the Hallmark Channel decides to make one).

But even when it gets going, it moves in fits and starts. We have a burst of violence and suspense as the cannibals make their first attack on the hapless Yuppies, but then we're treated to another stretch of nothing... where boring characters wander around doing boring things. Even though in theory there are vicious cannibals in loin clothes and body paint lurking nearby, we get the feeling that the greatest threat facing the characters is that they'll run out of beer before they are rescued.)

It isn't until one of the cannibals falls in love with Kitty Cole's character in violation of the traditions of this culture, and gets her knocked up, that the film starts to get interesting. By this time, however, the film's well over half gone, and there's really no saving it. It gets even more interesting with the hints dropped about the background of the cannibal tribe's chief, but nothing at all ends up coming from that.

The film's one redeeming feature is the way it introduces the zombie aspect. As I do with the vast majority of films I watch and review, I came to this one with no real knowledge of what it contained beyond a little blurb supplied by the distributor. I truly did not see the zombies coming, until they were chowing down on the cast members. (Yes, they're set up their arrival through ominous dialogue about the village being cursed because of Kitty Cole becoming a baby mama instead of a human sacrifice/finger food, but I hadn't expected the curse to be manifested as zombies.)


Unfortunately, the zombies also come to represent the film's biggest inconsistency and the most clear example of how its various pieces--cannibal horror, love story, zombie rampage--don't quite fit together. It's hinted that the cannibal chief is a product of a forbidden union, just like the child his son's outsider love will give birth to. But if this is the case, then why didn't the zombies destroy the village then? Did the curse come to be later? The film doesn't even provide a clue to that question, so as enlivening as the sudden appearance of zombies were, they ultimately end up making the experience of viewing this movie an unsatisfying waste of time... the only benefit you'll gain from this film is the opportunity to check your watch. First, you'll be looking to see if it's working because time seems to be passing slowly, and when the end credits start to roll, you'll be double-checking the movie's length, because it has to be longer than an hour. (It's not, though.)

And that's too bad, because "Destined to be Ingested" is actually a fairly well-done movie as far as the cinematography goes, and the acting is pretty decent all around. With a more focused and better developed script, this could have been a decent movie. (Unless I'm missing something, due to my basic unfamiliarity with the cannibal horror genre.)

"Destined to be Ingested" has been kicking around since 2008, but it will receive wide distribution on DVD through Midnight Releasing on October 5, 2010.

'Totem' has good ideas, bad execution

Totem (1999)
Starring: Marissa Tait, Tyler Anderson, Alicia Lagano, Jason Faunt, Eric W. Edwards and Sacha Spencer
Director: David DeCoteau (as Martin Tate)
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

A dark, arcane force draws six teenagers to a remote cabin where they discover that some of them are fated to be sacrificed in order to unleash murderous demons upon the world, while others are fated to perform the sacrifices. But who are the victims and who are killers? And what does the mysterious, vaguely totem-pole like sculpture in the nearby cemetery have to do with anything?

"Totem" is a film with a supremely creepy premise at its heart, and it sets up the story nicely, but then it quickly goes off the rails.

The problems start with the cast. They seem to have been hired first and foremost for their good looks with any actual acting talent being entirely secondary. Even allowing for the wooden, shallow acting that is so very common in the minor Full Moon efforts like this one, what we have here is still pretty weak. The only members of the cast I didn't want to send back to community theater or to full-time modeling were Marissa Tait and Alicia Lagano. They also happen to be the only two who have had substantial acting careers since this movie--although I suppose Jason Faunt's 44-episode run as a Power Ranger counts. The other three cast members have very limited or no other film or TV credits to their names. (Hmmm... three to do the killing, three to die... maybe there IS more to this movie than one might think!)

As if a lack of talent wasn't bad enough, whether or not the actors in question were appropriate for the role they were cast also appears to have been entirely secondary. It's the only explanation for Tyler Anderson being cast as a Native American who looks more Eastern European or Italian than Native American--and whose accent is more Euro-trashy/Eastern European than anything that ever came off a Reservation anywhere in North America--yet somehow the other characters in the film can TELL he's Native American by just looking at him. (There MUST have been someone in that book of modeling agency headshots this cast was derived form who looked more convincingly Native American. I've no idea why they would've gone with Tyler, unless he was related to someone who invested money in the production.)

The acting in this film is so bland, and the performers and their characters so interchangeable that I doubt you will remember who did what to whom five even as the end credits start to roll.

The bad acting might not be entirely the fault of the actors, however. They didn't have much of a script to work with, and they are portraying characters whose development extends to "and then he does this because the plot says so... and does that because the plot says so. This Benjamin Carr-penned effort was so lazily written that not only does every character sound alike because no care was taken to give them personality through their dialogue, and the back story for the demonic critters motivating the action has to explained in a lame-ass dream sequence that may or may not have been included because the producers said, "we've got this footage of rampaging Vikings... work it into the picture somehow."

Finally, the ending here has got to be among the worst on any Full Moon production, save that of "Huntress: Spirit of the Night". Perhaps in the hands of someone competent, or at the end of a script that had actually been taken through more than one draft, the sick sort of romantic vibe I think they were going for might have worked. Here, it just feels like a bit of randomness tacked onto the end of a half-developed story. It's feels almost as forced and pointless as the presence of the totem critters.

Speaking of the critters... once again we have a Charles Band production where the neigh-obligatory puppet creatures feel as if they've been forced into a story where they don't belong. The immortal, imprisoned demons lurking at the heart of the story have the ability to manipulate the film's characters by altering their thoughts and perceptions, and they can animate their corpses after they're dead, so there is no reason for them to be flapping around and generally looking like cheap-jack prop puppets. Yes... this is the beginning of the point where Band continued to produce movies with Tiny Terrors in them, but didn't even have the budget to make them look as convincing at the original Ghoulies.

(That said, the totem puppets are better than many of their fellow on-the-cheap Tiny Terrors from Band's productions of the past decade. They're even better animated than the Blood Dolls from the film of the same title and the same year as this one, even if "Blood Dolls" was a far better movie overall.)

There is two moments in the film that saves it from a Two Rating (and the honor of being featured on my Movies to Die Before Seeing blog). The first is the point where Alicia Lagano's character is revealed as the psycho we pretty much knew her to be--it's not surprising, but it is one of the better-handled moments in the film--and the sudden and very startling death of Robert and its aftermath. While I suspect Robert's surprise death primarily arose from sloppy writing more than anything else. But, whatever the way it came about, it worked.

'Revolt of the Zombies' is a non-event

(I like the poster though.)

Revolt of the Zombies (1936)
Starring: Dean Jagger and Dorothy Stone
Director: Victor Halperin
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

At the height of World War I, a French officer (Jagger) brings to his generals the ultimate weapon: the secret to creating impervious zombie soldiers! Unfortunately, before the Cambodian monk can be made to share this secret with the Europeans, he is murdered by a sinister enemy agent. A military expedition is sent to the darkest heart of Cambodia's jungles to see if the secret can be recovered.

"Revolt of the Zombies" actually has a really interesting plot at its heart. Too bad the filmmakers completely botched this movie, with awful dialogue and pacing that is at once too slow and too fast--important events happen off-screen and are then relayed to the viewers by the characters in boring exposition. Worse, the movie ultimately chickens out in regards to both its use of zombies in the story AND in regards to what seemed to have been its message about the negative impact of European colonialism with an "absolute power corrupts absolutely." What's more... there ain't no damn zombie revolt in the film (but that's because there aren't any real zombies, either).

I probably would have shrugged my shoulders at this one--it's just another low-budget, crappy horror film--but it was made as a follow-up to the fabulous "White Zombie." I expected more of "Revolt of the Zombies" because "White Zombie" is a dyed-in-the-wool classic horror film, one of the best zombie movies ever made (and perhaps even the *first* zombie movie ever made), and it was as low-budget as "Revolt."





Click here to read my review of "White Zombie" at The Bela Lugosi Collection.

'I Walked with a Zombie' is masterpiece of the unexpected

I Walked with a Zombie (1943)
Starring: Frances Dee, Tom Conway, James Ellison, Edith Barrett, Christine Gordon and Darby Jones
Director: Jacques Tourneur
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

A young Canadian nurse, Betsy (Dee), comes to the West Indies to care for the invalid wife the wife of a plantation manager (Conway). When she falls in love with her employer, Betsy determines to cure her charge, to give her beloved what she things he wants. even if she needs to use voodoo to do it.


"I Walked With a Zombie" is one of the great classics of the gothic horror genre. With spectacular visuals, characters with murky motivations and natures, dark secrets aplenty, and a pure-hearted young girl who just wants to make everything right and who naively believes she can do so, it's a picture that is far better than its cheesy title would lead you to believe. Like every film produced by Val Lewton at RKO, it's a film that breaks conventions and helped establish cinematic vocabulary that remains in use to this very day. (Lewton's films were among the first to use sound and imagary purely for the purposes of startling the viewer, such as interrupting a quiet scene with a sudden burst of sound.)

The film also succeeds because of the powerful performances by the actors involved and the expert direction by Jacques Tourneur. Too often in films of this vintage, I find myself irritated by the "insta-romance" that springs up between characters--"The Maltese Falcon" and "Notorious" are both excellent movies that are marred by such plot elements--but the pacing of "I Walked With Zombie" and the performances of by the actors are such that that the romance between Betsy and her employer seems natural and believable.

Even more moving than the story and the acting is the film's direction and cinematography. Not a second is wasted and not a scene isn't perfectly staged or shot perfectly framed. The zombie in the film is one of the most chilling to ever be featured on screen, and Betsy's trek through the sugarcane field to the voodoo ceremony is one of the finest examples of how to build dread and suspense.

Anyone who considers themselves a student of horror films MUST see this movie. This goes double if you fancy yourself a filmmaker (or some day want to be one). Don't apply the lable of "genius" to Dario Argento, George Romero and Mario Bava until you've seen how REAL geniuses made movies.