Those wacky Ninja and their wackiness!

Ninja Champion (1980)
Starring: Nancy Chang, Bruce Baron, Jack Lam, Richard Harrison, and Pierre Tremblay
Director: Godfrey Ho
Rating: One of Ten Stars

A rape victim, Rose (Chang), infiltrates a diamond smuggling ring so she can more effectively stalk and kill the three men who raped her (as well as uncover who ordered them to do it). Meanwhile, the Good Ninja (Baron), who also happens to be an Interpol agent, is attacking and killing the followers of the Evil Ninja (Tremblay) because... um... well, just because. It might have something to do with the diamond smuggling, but, then again, it might not. Who can tell with these cazy ninjas?


"Ninja Champion" is one of the most inane, muddled martial arts movies I've ever seen. The plot with rape victim is fairly trite, but comprehensible in and of itself, even if the whole diamond smuggling bit is rather farfetched and rediculous. The ninja stuff, however, is so stupid that it doesn't make any sense even after the Evil Ninja (who is named Maurice, so it was obviously the cruelty of his parents that made him choose a life of crime and evil) explains his plot the the Good Ninja. It understandable the Good Ninja wants to kick his ass... I wanted to do the same to the writer/director who came up with this crap.

This is a One Tomato movie that I'm nonetheless awarding Two Tomatoes for, due to much unintended hiariity in the bad dubbing and the bizarre final battle between the Good Ninja and the Bad Ninja.

I can't really recommend this movie to anyone, because I think I felt the braincells dying as I was watching it. However, it might be good for a Bad Movie Night if you've got someone in your crowd that's good at quipping while a film unfolds.

Chinese peasants give the Japs what-for!

This month, it's 65 years since the United States of America dropped two atom bombs on Japan and brought an end to World War II. This is one of several reviews I'm posting to mark the anniversary.


Blood on the Sun (aka "The Big Fight") (1972)
Starring: Roc Tien and Ching Ching Chang
Director: Ting Mei Sung
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

During the Japanese occupation of northern China during WW2, a local commander of the forces occupying a small town and its corrupt, collaborating leadership engage in a campaign of oppression and terror. When resistance fighters start appearing and successfully challenging, the Japanese stage a competition where they invite the villagers to test their fighting skills against the best of martial artists in the region's occupying force, hoping pride will draw out the rebels and allow them to be killed.


"Blood on the Sun" is nicely staged martial arts drama with thoroughly despicable, perverted villains (the Japanese troops and their Chinese collaborators harass and/or rape any woman they come across... and that's just to warm up) and brave, morally upstanding peasant heroes.

This movie is one of countless Chinese movies that portray the Japanese military as evil, perverted butchers... and given what happened in places like Nanking and in backwaters like the one portrayed in this film, it's understandable. However, it is also a great martial arts movie with some great set-piece fight scenes--like the one where the girl resistance fighter whips off her skirt and reveals it to be lined with dozens of razor-sharp metal disks and ready for use as a weapon--and better-than-average dubbing (as far as obscure 1970s martial arts flicks go).


The film will also entertain those who appreciate down-to-earth, realistic martial arts battles. The most fantastic the film even gets is when the hero throws a dagger at a Japanese soldier and kills him without even turning around to draw aim. And please don't mistake down-to-earth with boring in this case. Every single fight in this film is very dramatic and exciting. In fact, I think I this film may now rank among my favorite martial arts movies of all time.

Of course, with a movie like this, one has to just live in the moment and not consider what happens to the heroes once the film is over. Given the historical truth regarding the brutality of the Japanese Imperial Army, I doubt any of the villagers in the film would survive for long once more troops arrived and that the burning rubble of their homes would serve as their graves. The triumph at the end of this film is a fleeting one at best, and while the Japanese were ultimately defeated, uprisings such as the one in this film in reality ended badly for the rebels.

Still, "Blood on the Sun" is an entertaining and well-paced film. The only real complaint I have is with the abrupt ending, but I'm not sure if the version I saw is complete. The print used for the DVD transfer was pretty ragged in places, so I wouldn't be surprised if a few seconds were completely missing at the end. (Despite this flaw, I count this film among the many pleasant surprises that I've found in the "Martial Arts 50 Movie Pack" DVD collection.

Cinematic Black History Milestone:First Black Samurai

Fighting Mad (aka "Death Force") (1978)
Starring: James Inglehart, Leon Isaac Kennedy, Carmen Argenziano, and Jayne Kennedy
Director: Cirio H. Santiago
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Doug (Inglehart) and two other American soldiers (Kennedy and Argenziano) are returning home from Vietnam with a cache of gold earned by working with the black market when his partners-in-crime betray him and throw him into the ocean for dead. Rescued and befriended by a pair of soldiers of the Imperial Japanese Army who have been living secretly on an isolated South Sea island, Doug is taught the ways of Samurai. Eventually making his way back to the States, he reunites with his wife (Jayne Kennedy) and sets about taking revenge on the men who betrayed him, by first dismantling the criminal empire they've built and then taking their lives.


"Fighting Mad" has all the making of a REALLY bad movie. When Doug was rescued by a pair of Japanese soldiers who didn't know WW2 was over, I was certain I was in for a stupid movie as well as a bad one. However, as ludicrous as the notion of him just happening to wash up on a desert island with a pair of old Japanese soldiers (one of whom just happens to be an honest-to-gosh samurai), it all worked.

Full of 1970s-ism such as pimps in big hats, Italian gangsters loving restaurants, references to Black Muslims, vengeful martial artists, and corrupt, twisted Vietnam veterans, this film turns out to be a rather engaging revenge flick. The Japanese soldiers turn out to be more charming than laughable, and the training period that Doug goes through is one that starts to feel believable. The same is true of the rise to power of the Vietnam vets turned Los Angeles crimelords in an age when gangsters still had a veneer of businessmen about them. The movie overall is a rather engaging, old-fashioned crime/martial arts fantasy with the villains who are such nasty pieces of work that it's a delight to watch our hero--reformed by the tutalage of an honorable warrior and the love he has for his wife and child--take them apart.

If the editing of the film had been just a tiny bit less abrupt--it seemed like there were only two establishing shots in the whole movie--this could have easily have rated a Seven or perhaps even an Eight on the Tomato-scale. The script was well done, tne acting good, and the action well-staged.

"Fighting Mad" is a movie that anyone who enjoyed "Kill Bill" or movies like it. It's also a movie that carries with it a curiously modern message of racial harmony, something that wasn't exactly common in "drive-in" type movies like this one back then. The man villains are a white and a black man working together with hired muscle that's mostly Italian or Hispanic, while the hero is trained by Japanese on the desert island, teams with a Japanese cabbie Stateside, and is helped along in his quest for revenge by one of the few white cops not bought off by the villains.

(Oh.. if someone out there reading this knows Brian De Palma, point this movie out to him. It's got those corrupt, murderous United States soldiers he's so fond of telling the world about. Maybe "Fighting Mad" will become a favorite and he'll be inspired to make a movie that's entertaining.)





"Fighting Mad" is included in several different low-priced DVD multipacks. It can also occasionally be found under its original title "Death Force."

'Balls of Fury' exposes cluelessness of critics

Balls of Fury
Starring: Dan Fogler, George Lopez, Christopher Walken, Maggie Q, James Hong, and Thomas Lennon
Director: Ben Garant
Steve's Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A one-time child Ping-Pong star (Folger), who has been reduced to performing Ping-Pong tricks at a dinner theater--is recruited by the FBI to infiltrate the deadly underground table-tennis tournament hosted by reclusive Chinese crimelord and Ping-Pong effecianado Feng (Walken).



"Balls of Fury" is the best film I've seen on the big screen in several weeks. It's funny not only because it takes the harmless rec-room sport of table-tennis and turns it into a game of mortal combat, but also because it's a hilarious spoof of the 1970s-style martial arts movies, and even the Yellow Menace films from the 1930s and 1960s.

Contrary to what critics seem to think, this is more of a spoof of the traditional Chinese martial arts movie than it is a spoof of sports films. It's got all the cliches you'd expect from a Bruce Lee film, or a Shaw Bros. prodution from the 1970s, except instead of Kung Fu, we've got paddles and tiny white balls. (We get a little bit of Kung Fu, courtesy of the love interest played by Maggie Q. who also gives us a very attractive showing of skin.)


There's also some obvious nods to the Fu Manchu movies of the late 1960s, both through Christopher Walken's character and the location and nature of his stronghold.

Yet, most critics seem to have missed these fairly obvious cues.

This is another film that is getting bad reviews from a number of critics who simply don't have enough of a context to understand it. They are comparing it to movies like "Blades of Glory" when they should be considering it in the light of "Enter the Dragon". These same critics also missed the boat on "Nacho Libre" for much the same reasons--they simply aren't well-versed enough in genre pictures to properly judge a film that's primarily directed at lovers of B-movies.

What's amazing about these critics missing the foundation of this film is that not only do they have numerous scenes mirroring "Enter the Dragon", not to mention much of the storyline, but they have a supporting cast of actors who have appeared in numerous Kung Fu action films over the years. There's also the fact that the main Chinese bad guy is being played by a white man, like Fu Manchu has been in every scrreen appearance--Boris Karloff, Christopher Lee, Peter Sellers, and Nicolas Cage are all as non-Asian as Christopher Walken.
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While the film is more chuckle than laugh-inducing, it's nowhere near as bad as the "professionals" would have you believe. They simply do not understand what they are watching, and they are completely missing all but the most obvious slapstick and "Naked Gun"-esque jokes. It's rather sad to watch them revealed to be utterly clueless about genre films and therefore totally miss the essense of "Balls of Fury".

I suppose it can be said that this is a film with humor that's too low for the "real" critics to get, because it's poking fun at films that many of them haven't bothered to see.

Even allowing for cluelessness, I think many critics are dumping on this movie unfairly. The actors all show great comedic talent and timing. Even Maggie Q. (who is having a really good year, since this is the second quality film she's appeared in this summer, the first being "Live Free or Die Hard") who I suspect is mostly in the film for her hot body gets in some funny moments by playing off the martial arts film stereotypes. Fogler is hilarious as he bumbles his way through the storyline, ultimately ending up in a Ping-Pong battle to the death against Christopher Walken's unpredictable, wakcy-yet-menacing evil Chinese villian. James Hong is also very funny as he applies martial arts cliches to the "ancient art of Ping-Pong" and delivers motivational speeches full of similies that are anything but expected. (In fact, it's a toss-up as to who's funnier in the film, Walken or Hong. Both really earned their paychecks for this one.)

If you have a sense of humor and a love for class martial arts movies, I think you'll enjoy "Balls of Fury" immensely. Trust me. You don't want to take the word of the "experts" on this one. They truly don't know what they're talking about. (I recommend taking in a matinee, as it's cute but not exactly roof-raising. It's just not as bad as the critics would have you believe.)

Fatal Flaw: Takes silly concept seriously

Variable Geo (1999)
Rating: Four of Ten Stars



In the animated 'Variable Geo,' waitresses who are also experts in exoteric martial arts styles battle in a series of matches to be named the world's battle queen. There's a darker side to the Variable Geo tournaments... and our heroines end up running headlong into it.

I thought 'Variable Geo' sounded like a hoot, so I picked up up. The first ten minutes are the tone I would have expected... but after that, the concept of warrior waitresses is started to be taken seriously not only by the story, but, the episodes assume, by the viewer as well. It's a flaw that turns what could have been a fun romp into a rather excrutiating 80 minutes.

To make matters worse, the first three episodes end on a cliffhanger. I imagine this means there's a 'Variable Geo II' on the horizon. It's a sequel that I at least will be ignoring.

On the techincal front, the animation was average and the voice acting (in the English dubbed version) was slightly above average.