'The Dark Watchers' is almost worth watching

It's been a while since I've had time to post an actual review here. Hopefully, this marks the reversal of that trend!

Men in Black: The Dark Watchers (2012)
Starring: Melanie Denholme, Eirian Cohen, Val Monk, Lee Roberts, and Rudy Barrow
Director: Philip Gardiner
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

A group of UFO enthusiasts (Barrows, Cohen, Denholme, and Monk) become targets of the Men in Black and gradual transformation into something not human!

This film offers a model on how to make the modern exploitation film. It's a cheaply made movie that's being promoted with great-looking graphics and a fascinating preview that highlights the three attractive women that play the lead roles and which, together with the title, bring to mind the completely unrelated big-budget "Men in Black" movies starring Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. The timing is also ideal, as there's a third Jones/Smith "Men In Black" film due out this year. A simple, great-looking website (which you can check out by by clicking here)further helps to make this film look like something you want to rent or buy.

Like the vast majority of exploitation flicks, the actual movie can't live up to the great promotional graphics and the nifty preview. (Actually, this can be said about a host pictures, including more "respectable" ones, but it is especially true of films like this one.) I was about 15 minutes into the film when I realized that it would not live up to the promises of the marketing material, any more than Roger Corman's "She-Gods of Shark Reef" did.

While the film is every bit as stylish as I would expect from the preview and it features decent acting and some great story set-ups, it fails to deliver on any of the promises inherent in those story set-ups. The film ultimately feels like an incoherent collection of vignettes during wich the main characters (and a couple of random chicks running around in blood-soaked clothes) are tormented by the Men in Black and the strange aliens who are heralding some unspecified doom. And at no point in the film does anything become any clearer, nor does anything that we watch ultimately seem to have any point other than to eat up the film's running time.

Ultimately, "Men in Black: The Dark Watchers" feels like someone edited out the film's content and left the padding. The music video included as a bonus feature on the DVD is more coherent, and therefore more interesting, than the main feature.

And this is really too bad. It's clear this film was written and directed by a creator of some talent, and the marketing is really very slick. If just a little attention had been paid to story, I think I'd probably be praising this movie instead of panning it.

All-aboard 'The Horror Express'!

Horror Express (1973)
Starring: Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Sylvia Totorsa, Telly Savalas, and Helga Line
Director: Eugenio Martin
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

A British explorer (Lee) finds what he believes to be proof of Darwin's theory of evolution high in a frozen mountain glacier on a mountain in northern China. As he is transporting the frozen carcas back to the West on the Trans-Siberian express, a weasely collegue/competitor (Cushing) decides to get a look at the find, and inadvertently unleashes a horror that has lain dormant for tens of thousands of years. It quickly becomes apparent that no-one onboard the train is safe as it makes its way across the frozen wilderness....


"Horror Express" is another one of those movies I remember being scared by as a kid. Specifically, the scene where the Kozak leader (played by Telly Savalas(!)) and his men are battling the monster in a darkened traincar. This is one of those films that is exactly as scary as I remember it!

A bit slow-moving at times, "Horror Express" still provides plenty of chills and shocks... and even a couple of unexpected plot-twists. The lighting, camera-work, and special effects all help underscore the growing tension in the film--even if some of the FXs are a bit cheesy--and the actors are all very good, despite the fact that this is one of those international European production where a dozen different languages were being spoken on the set. Lee and Cushing in particular shine; I think this movie features some of the better performances given by either one of them.

I think this is a must-see if you're a fan of Cushing, Lee, or the Hammer Films-style of movies.

Xtro: One of the creepiest monster flicks

Xtro (1983)
Starring: Bernice Steger, Phillip Seyer, Maryam D'Abo, and Simon Nash
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Three years after being abducted by aliens, Sam (Seyer) returns a very different man, and he passes his gooey, gory alien powers onto his young son (Nash).



When I first saw this movie as a kid, it freaked the heck out of me. The father coming back and spreading alien corruption throughout the household, the way the son was transformed, and the way he in turn went after the horny au-paire (D'Abo)... even the creepy way he made deadly things appear with his mental powers. It all seemed very, very scary.

I suspect someone watching the film with less jaded eyes than mine could still find "Xtro" scary. At this point, I find still find some of the movie quite disturbing--Sam's method of returning to human form was not something I recalled, and it is definately creepy; the alien egg-laying scene; and the final scene with the mother... well, up to a point with that one--but in general, I now view this film mostly with a sense of frustration because there are two fundamental things that spoil it for me.

First, there's the fact that there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of rhyme or reason to what the characters do, alien or otherwise. In fact, some of the things that happen are pure "Stupid Character Syndrom"--a character does something just to make sure the plot doesn't come to screeching halt, even if a vaguely intelligent person would take any one of numerous different options.

Second, the director and/or scriptwriter simply doesn't know when enough is enough, and this spoils a number of what otherwise would have been excellent, very scary moments. The movie's ending is the ultimate example of this. I won't go into details, because I would spoil it, but suffice to say, the filmmakers ruin a perfectly good ending. If they had been smart, the film would be about 5-10 seconds shorter.

On the upside, we do get to see D'Abo prance around in absolutely nothing, and the acting is uniformly bland (not quite bad... just flat) so no one stands out as good or bad. Gorehounds might also be impressed with a number of scenes in film. The "Return of Sam" scene is a standout in that sense. "Xtro" also features a well-done electronic score, and those are few and far between.

Nonethless, this is a film that clocks in at the low end of average... although I admit my reaction may partially be due to it not living up to my memories of it. (Maybe I'll get the courage to watch "The Exorcist" again. It's the only movie I walked out because it scared me too badly.)

'Shock-o-Rama' has old school chills, laughs

Shock-O-Rama (2005)
Starring: Misty Mundae, Rob Monkiewicz, Caitlin Ross, David Fine, A.J. Kahn, Julian Wells, Duane Polcou, Michael Thomas, and Sylvainne Chebance
Director: Brett Piper
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

I love anthology films, because even if I don't care for the segment I'm watching, I know there's another one coming shortly that will hopefully be better. Plus, a well-made anthology film is like getting three or four or even five movies for the price and time-investment of one! So, whenever I discover a new anthology film, it usually goes to the top of the Stack of Stuff.

Which brings me to this review of "Shock-O-Rama". When I sat down to watch this film, I had low hopes. I associate most of its stars with low-budget softcore lesbian porn with horror themes--and I think Misty Mundae has appeared in more films I've assigned Zero-ratings to than any other single performer--but my expectations rose with a nifty, retro-style opening credits sequence... and as tales unfolded, I found myself enjoying an unexpected treat.

"Shock-O-Rama" is a comedy-horror anthology film that consists of three stories that are kinda-sorta interwoven in a fashion that brings to mind great anthology pictures like "The House That Dripped Blood" or "Charade", and with a fun, light-hearted style that's reminicent of the equally great anthology picture "Creepshow".

The movie starts out with "Zombie This!", the main story that binds the film together, as it unfolds around and inbetween the other elements in the package. In it, low-budget Scream Queen Rebecca Raven (Mundae) is fired by the slimey executives (Fine and Thomas) in charge of the studio that has produced all her movies so far over creative differences and a dispute involving Rebecca's cup-size and her refusal to get surgery to make increase it. She's burned out on garbage horror movies anyway, so Rebecca is happy to for the vacation and retreats to an isolated country house for peace and quiet. The traquility is shortlived, however, as Rebecca accidentially animates a zombie (Polcou) that comes after her, hungry for flesh.


Meanwhile, back at the studio, the execs are realizing they don't have an actress to replace Rebecca in a film that starts shooting Monday--a pre-sold film at that! They watch a couple of movies from other studios, hoping to find the fresh talent (and breasts) to replace their former star. The films they watch are the other two stories featured, so "Shock-O-Rama" ultimately becomes an anthology film that features movies within a movie about a horor movie star for whom the horror becomes all too real. The rampant self-referentialism and mockery of the sorts of movies that Mundae and the target audience for them that it adds up to will either make you howl with laughter or become purple with rage, depending on your sense of humor.

The first film the studio execs watch is "Mecharachnia", a goofy sci-fi thriller where a tiny, psychopathic space alien crashlands in a junkyard and proceeds to toroment its obnoxious proprietor (Monkiewicz) and his shrewish ex-girlfriend (Ross).


They then check out "Lonely are the Brain", the segment that comes closest to delivering what I expect to see in a movie where Misty Mundae, Julian Wells, and A.J. Kahn have top billing. In it, a volunteer in a sleep study (Khan) comes to discover that creepy Dr. Carruthers (Wells) and her secretive research partner are is as dangerous in real life as they are in sexually charged nightmares about lethal lesbianism.


The quality level across all three segments is pretty consistent, with a decent acting and fairly light-hearted scripting throughout. The special effects are as retro as the feel of the movie--with stop-action animation and model spaceship battles the likes of which we haven't seen since "Return of the Jedi". (I'm not saying the special effects are par with what ILM created, just that the methods are the same and that it's nice to see the old standbys in this day of CGI overkill.)

Usually, in these reviews, I provide a rating for each segment, but that's not necessary here, because everything here rates a solid Six. "Zombie This!" is the strongest of the three stories on both the acting and writing front, but the movies-within-the-movie are almost equally fun.

The only real complaint I have about the film is that "Mecharachnia" could have done with a little more polish, both script- and editing-wise. It needed to be tightened up, as the bickering between the junkyard owner and his girlfriend get redundent (so much so that it feels as if both takes of an insult exchange were included when the director should have chosen the best one) and the running battles between Man and Space Invader feel sluggish because of repeative establishing shots, build-ups that needed to be trimmed.

However, these minor flaws are more than made up for by the zany humor and real moments of terror in "Zombie This!". Although Mundae's co-star in that segment--Duane Polcou, who vasilates easily from scary to funny; wait until you see the "zombie jig" that got me laughing so hard I paused the DVD so as to not miss the action that followed--Misty Mundae's performance is what really makes the segment stand out.


I saw that Mundae might posses a glimmer of comedic talent in the awful "Mummy Raider", but in this film she shows that she actually might have the talent for far more than horror-themed lesbian nookie fests. She proves she has range, comedic timing, and a healthy dose of charm and charisma that shines very bright when she has a good script to work with. (Up until now, the only "Seduction Cinema" regular that I thought had any dramatic talent--or even enough presence to succeed outside of low-budget skin flicks--was Julian Wells. Now, I need to add Misty Mundae to that list. I hope to see more of her in movies like this (even if she keeps her clothes on).

"Shock-O-Rama" is a fun anthology flick that's equal parts tribute to old-school horror movies like those Amicus and American-International used to produce, and send-up of modern low-budget horror/skin flicks. Lovers of both kinds of films should get a kick out of this one. (The only dissapointed viewers will be those who, as Rebecca Raven would say, live in their parents' basements and watch with the remote in one hand and their pecker in other.)

Monster o' the Irish goes inter-stellar

As a run-up to St. Patrick's Day, I'm posting reviews of some of the "Leprechaun" movies.


Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)
Starring: Warwick Davis, Rebekah Carlton, Brent Jasmer, Miguel A. Núñez Jr., Tim Colceri and Guy Siner
Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

The efforts of a space-faring evil leprechaun (Davis) to woo an alien princess (Carlton) are interrupted by a group of mercenaries and a mad scientist who carry off both the princess and the gold. The leprechaun doesn't take kindly to having his treasures stolen, and he goes about executing gory and bizarre revenge.


Take a second-rate horror comedy and cross it with a third-rate sci-fi monster flick and you have "Leprechaun 4."

I give the filmmakers credit for coming with a crazy idea--which reportedly came about when an executive at Tristar Pictures had Tom Hanks' face on a poster for "Apollo 13" replaced with the Leprechaun's face--even if the end result isn't quite up to the original film. I also give them credit for having the insight for taking a creature that had basically been played out as a straight horror property over the course of the previous films and going all-out comedic with it.

Unfortunately, for all the credit I give them, it doesn't change the fact that the film is rather dull during its first half. It isn't until late in the movie, after the leprechaun retrieves his princess and unleashes a second monster on the spaceship, that things get interesting. And even then, the film is a little too slow movie, never reaching the level of energy that the concept requires. The jokes never come fast enough for the viewer to not guess the punchline before it arrives, and the gore is nowhere near plentiful enough. In fact, it's near non-existent.

It's a movie that will inspire a few laughs if you're sober, but it is funnier if you have a few beers onboard and the brain isn't quite as sharp as it might otherwise be.

Reviews of Classic Vampirella

For over 15 years, Harris Publishing has struggled to restore the classic icon of horror in comics, Vampirella, to the pinnacle of glory she acheived in the late 1960s and 1970s. There have been glimmers of genius in their efforts, but they've mostly been dissapointing. It seems like none of the modern writers have been able to capture what made the original comics so cool and fun. (Nor have any of the modern artists been able to match the glory of the art.)

In this post, I review four graphic novel collections that Harris has produced of the original Vampirella tales. Some of them are still available from the publisher at www.vampirella.com, but they are, sadly, mostly out of print.

Still... all hail the boot-wearing, alien vampiress with the impossibly skimpy costume! Theses books are some of the best Halloween reading you'll ever lay eyes upon, as they are brimming with vampires, witches, zombies, and demons. Even Dracula himself puts in several appearances!

(Among the illustrations are some of my favorite Vampirella portraits over the years, with the Dave Stevens illo at the top being my all-time favorite. It originally appeared on the back cover of "Vampirella vs. the Cult of Chaos".)


Vampirella vs. the Cult of Chaos
Writer: Archie Goodwin
Artists: Tom Sutton and Jose Gonzalez
Rating: Nine of Ten of Stars

In the late 1960s, magazine publisher Warren introduced "Vampirella Magazine", an anthology series presenting horror comics with a "mature" flavor that was hosted by a vampire vixen who ware an impossibly skimpy one-piece bathing suit and high-heeled boots.

In fairly short order, however, one of the most talented creators to ever work in comic books--Archie Goodwin--took the character to center stage, developed a supporting cast of friends and foes and put down a foundation that other creators have been building on for nearly 40 years.

"Vampirella vs. the Cult of Chaos" is a paperback that was produced by Harris Comics in the early 1990s, shortly after they acquired the publishing rights for the Vampirella comics. It contains the early Archie Goodwin stories that chronicle Vampirella's first serious adventures. First, we have her initial encounter with the adherents of the Cult of Chaos and the introduction of her loyal companion Pendragon, as illustrated by Tom Sutton in some of his earliest professional work. The art's a bit rough around the edges, but the future hights his talent will soar to is still evident. Then, as Vampirella's struggles against the Cult continue and she finds herself persued by blind psychic and vampire hunter (and future ally) Conrad Van Helsing, the art chores are taken over by Jose Gonzales, the artist who is most closely associated with the Vampirella character. The art is postively amazing, and the stories also get stronger as Goodwin perfects a forumla that mixes equal parts of humor, horror, and B-movie style sci-fi as Vampirella squares off against angels of death, lycanthropes, zombie-masters, love-sick sea demons, and even the strip's unique take on the vampire of vampire, Count Dracula.

Lovers of B-movies, quality comics, and sexy women in outfits that can't possibly exist outside of comics (or only if the wearer has lots of spirit-gum applied to her breasts and moves very, very carefully) shold seek out a copy of this book. (All joking aside, the tales contained in the pages of "Vampirella vs. the Cult of Chaos" truly are classic examples of high-quality comic book story telling.)



Vampirella: Transcending Time & Space
Writers: T. Casey Brennan and Steve Engelhart
Artist: Jose Gonzalez (cover by Dave Stevens)
Steve's Rating: Ten of Ten Stars

"Vampirella: Transcending Time & Space" was the second collection of classic Vampirella tales issued by Harris Comics after they revived the character in the early 1990s. It picks up where "Vampirella vs. the Cult of Chaos" (review here) left off, and writers Brennan and Englehart continued to build an excellent house on the foundation that master storyteller Archie Goodwin put down.

The book reprints seven stories, which not only continues Vampirella's clash with the Cult of Chaos, but also manages to pick up and resolve some left over story-threads from the previous book. A major storyline running through the bulk of the tales relates to the attempt by Dracula (who in the Vampirella mythos is an alien from the same planet as our heroine) to reject the Mad God Chaos, to cleanse his soul, and to atone for the many centuries of evil he has committed. It makes for very interesting reading.

Although solidly rooted in the Goodwin stories, the tales presented in "Transcending Time & Space" have a different, more freewheeling flavor. Where Goodwin tended to anchor most of his tales with horror genre mainstays (vampires, werebeasts, and demons) or references to classic genre fiction, the stories penned by Brennan and Englehart lean more heavily on science fiction and bizarre fantasy elements--servants of Chaos trap Vampi and friends in a Dream Dimenions; they're transported to a distant world inhabited by a thoroughly alien and monstrous creature; and then there's the all-powerful Conjuress who hopes to show Dracula the path to redemption. All of these elements, mixed with the sexy Vampirella, a dash of humor, and healthy number of crazed cultists all add up to some great comic book stories that make up the second half of the greatest run of Vampirella tales in the character's near-40 year history. (The book is made even stronger by the fact that in the book's closing tales, Englehart ties off a plot thread that's been dangling since Goodwin's first Vampirella story, and then spins it off into an unexpected direction.)

As strong as the stories in this book are, they wouldn't be half as effective if not for the gorgeous Jose Gonzalez art. While I'm lukewarm toward his tendency to drop in fine art portrait-style images in the middle of his sequential panel art, the detail and beauty of work on every page of the book is a real joy to behold. His layouts are clear, his characters expressive, and every panel helps move the story forward AND be a work of art unto itself. (Gonzalez's finest moments on the Vampirella series are, arguably, found in this book; the two tales set in turn-of-the-century England are particularly well-rendered.)

Oh... and the Dave Stevens cover on this book is perhaps the finest drawing of Vampi that we've seen in 25 years.

All in all, this book is a must-read if you have any fondness at all for the Vampirella character, or if you like well-done, off-beat horror comics.



Vampirella: Crimson Chronicles Vol. 4
Writers: Flaxman Loew and Archie Goodwin
Artists: Jose Gonzalez, Leopold Sanchez, and Jose Ortiz
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

"Vampirella: Crimson Chronicles Vol. 4" presents 13 Vampirella tales from issues 29 to 41 of the original black-and-white "Vampirella" magazine published during the early 1970s.

The art in this volume is absolutely gorgeous, but the fluxuating quality of the stories show that even at the halfway mark of the magazine's life, Vampirella's best days were behind her.

With the initial Archie Goodwin stories, we had horror tales with a classic feel and touches of humor (collected in "Vampirella vs. the Cult of Chaos"). With the T. Casey Brennan and Steve Englehart scripted stories, the sci-fi aspect of Vampirella was emphasized more, but there was still an air of classic horror about the strip. With the arrival of Flaxman Loew (whoever he may truly have been, because that has got to be a pen-name!), the series moves in a campy, offbeat direction, with less of an ongoing storyline but instead having Vampirella and Pendragon globe-trotting from booking to booking, and adventure to adventure. (Loew makes more use of the magic act/showbiz angle than any of his predessors did.) It's still a horror strip, but it too often plunges into the depths of pure silliness. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn't.

Take, for example, the low points of the book. Each are two-part stories.

First, there is "The God of Blood" and "Betrothed of the Sun-God" where Vampirella becomes the lust-object of a very jealous Aztec god. Here the goofiness of a sun-god wanting to make Vampi his bride--and turning to ash anyone who looks upon her scantily clad body--is balanced by the lecherous evil of the god's priests, and a plotline about a phoney psychic who is murdering her way to a fortune. (Someone out there must really have liked this storyline, because not only did Warren reprint it later in the original Vampirella series, but Harris has already printed that slightly revised version in a previous paperback, "Vampirella: A Crimson Thirst". These stories are beautifully illustrated, but I think the presense of an Aztec sun-god whacking mortals over Vampirella is a bit much.)

Second, at the bottom of the barrel, the book presents "The Vampire of the Nile" and "The Mummy's Revenge". The in this two-part storyline "reveals" that Vampirella is a reincarnation of Cleopatra, and that she first became a vampire due to the actions of her evil brother. The follow-up pits her against occult forces that are bent on bringing back the evil from her previous incarnation. The second story has some decent elements in it--the sequence with Vampi is stranded in the catacombs under Rome and the dead may be coming back to life is very well done--but its too tightly tied to the idiocy of Vampi as the reincarnated Cleopatra to be any good.

On the flipside, the desire of Loew to send Vampirella off in different and unexpected directions work very well in "The Undead of the Deep" (where Vampi confronts a bizarre underwater party that she may never escape), "The Running Red" (where a cruel gambler and an immortal wanderer meet, with Vampirella standing at the crossroad of fate), "The Sultana's Revenge" (where the manipulative wife of a Middle Eastern prince brings danger to Vampi and Pendragon), "The Carnival of Death" (where evil hedonists get their come-uppance after they attempt to ruin a party thrown by the last remaining member of Venice's old upperclass, and "The Blood Gulper" (where Vampi crosses paths with a rock star and his agent who are truly operating on the life-blood of the public). These stories are all fabulous little chillers that pit Vampirella against unexpected foes while providing either chuckles, tragedy, or ironic twists (sometimes all at the same time).

Another two-part adventure--"The Head-hunter of London" and "The Nameless Ravager"--that pits Vampi against an insane killer and his spell-weilding sisters presents some of the most horrific scenes in the whole book, but the stories feel rushed, so their impact on the reader is someone lessened. Still, one has to congratulate Loew and the illustrator (Sanchez) in this case) on putting some naked women in the book who DON'T look hot in swimsuits.

The balance of the stories ("She Who Waits"--the single Archie Goodwin tale in the book, his last work on Vampirella, as far as I know-- and "The Malignant Morticians" are mostly forgettable and they have a sense of filler about them. They're not bad, but they are vapid.

As mentioned at the top of the review, the art in the book is spectacular. Leopold Sanchez's style is a bit more consistently cartoony than those of Jose Gonzalez and Jose Ortiz (in fact, Ortiz' style is so similar to that of Gonzalez that I had to check to credits page to sure I knew who was doing what), so the first impulse is to consider his work lesser. However, as one reads on and gets used to his style, it becomes clear that Sanchez's art is just as solid, spooky, and sexy as Gonzalez... it's not weak, it's just different. The cover galleries presented on the inside makes one long for the day when such gorgeous covers were common-place on comics magazines.

"Vampirella: Crimson Chronicles Vol. 4" may be a book that's erratic on the story-front, but it's still a collection of fun, creepy stories, and we still get to see Vampi when she was at her best. Most of the stories here are still superior to the more "serious", more modern tales that Harris presented during the past ten years. Get yourself a copy... it's great reading!



Vampirella & The Blood Red Queen of Hearts
Writers: Bill DuBay and Rick Margopoulos
Artists: Jose Gonzalez, Gonzalo Mayo, and Esteban Maroto
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

"Vampirella & the Blood Red Queen of Hearts" is a slim paperback reprinting eight stories from the original run of "Vampirella Magazine." About half of them focus on the villain mentioned in the book's title--a devotee of the Cult of Chaos who is quite possibly the craziest foe Vampi ever faced--and the rest capitalize on Vampirella's science fiction roots more-so than perhaps any others published. (Given that Vampirella's current publisher has ret-conned the sci-fi aspects of Vampirella's background into oblivion (except in the manga-esque "Vampi" version), those stories will probably stand as the ones that have taken the MOST advantage of the sci-fi roots of the character.)


The Blood Red Queen of Hearts was a crazed woman who decided she was going to make herself a Bride of the Mad God Chaos, and to prove her worth she was having her imp servant carve out the hearts of Chaos' greatest enemies. Her insane plan was to culminate with her offering up the ultimate dowry to the god-the heart of Vampirella, a woman who once narrowly escaped becoming a Bride of Chaos herself.

As you might expect, the Queen's plans don't go quite as she had planned. Her machinations actually end up leading to her getting the sort of “reward” anyone who disappoints Chaos gets, providing Vampirella with an opportunity to return to Drakulon, and for the reader to learn about the society that once existed there. The trip to Drakulon also brings Vampirella into conflict with perhaps the creepiest bad guy to ever cross fangs with her. In fact, the "Return to Drakulon" stories mark the end of consistently high quality for the series; after that point, the quality and tone of Vampirella's adventures become inconsistent and erratic.

The final two tales in the volume are from the last days of "Vampirella Magazine", and it shows. The art is not up to the standards set by the likes of Jose Gonzalez and Esteban Maroto, or even Tom Sutton, and one of the stories (a sci-fi horror take with Lovecraftian overtones) is simply lame. The closer in the book (“Return of the Blood Red Queen of Hearts”) is a fun read and it does manage to end the book on a high note.

According to the liner notes in "Vampirella & The Blood Red Queen of Hearts", the Queen was a favorite among readers, and she appeared on more covers than any other Vampirella villain. While the fact that the Queen ran around in even less clothes than Vampirella (being the Blood Red Queen of Hearts means you go topless everywhere!), but I think that readers also responded to the fact that she one of the most interesting Vampi foes to come along since the very earliest days when Archie Goodwin and Steve Engelhart were writing the stories.

'Frankenstein Island' is a land of missed opportunity

Frankenstein Island (1981)
Starring: Robert Clarke, Steve Brodie, Robert Christopher, Tain Bodkin, Kathrine Victor, Cameron Mitchell, George Mitchell and John Carradine
Director: Jerry Warren
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

Hot air balloonists crashland on an uncharted island where they discover primitive bikini babes descended from alien visitors, stranded pirates, Kung Fu zombies, and Shiela Frankenstein (Victor) continuing the experiments of her famous relative.


Despite a crazy mix of elements--any one of which could have brought some excitement to this film--"Frankenstein Island" is a crushing bore from beginning to end. The dull 'heroes' wander around not doing much of anything--even the Kung Fu fight versus the zombies who all look like they just walked out of a beatnik cafe is boring--and the villains aren't much more active or effective.

The biggest shame of the movie is how badly everything is executed. The writer/director was clearly going for a cross between a "Lost World" film and a "Mad Scientist on a Rampage" movie, but he was not competent enough to capture the feel of either genre, and he botches even the simplist elements. (Worst offense: He doesn't make full use of the bikini babes... one should have developed a romance/association with one of the heroes early on and then should have been following the around. At the very least, we would have had something nice to look at while struggling to stay awake.)

Another missed opportunity was the identity of Sheila Frankenstein's husband. When he was first brought up in an ominous way, I was hoping he would be revealed as as the Frankenstein Monster. Alas, this was not to be. Sheila's mysterious husband turns out to be one of the more boring elements of the film.

"Frankenstein Island" is not a place worth visiting.